Author: Gail Forrest

Menu Please – “I’ll Have What She’s Having”

Menu Please – I’ll Have What She’s Having I have a psychological disorder. Many of my friends have speculated this for years. And in my defense they were presumptuous. I’ve checked the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” and my problem is not mentioned. It’s either not officially recognized, not taken seriously by psychiatrists or I’m the first person to exhibit symptoms and give it a name. It falls under the general category of “envy” and no it’s not for a penis. I don’t know what Freud was smoking when he thought up that idea. I’ve never wanted...

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I Tried to Save the Economy

I tried to save the economy. President Obama and Ben Bernanke you can stop worrying because I decided to do my part and get out from under the bed where I’ve been hiding with my money and spend. I would unclench my fist full of dollars and help relieve the country of economic woe. I gassed up my little car and headed from Palm Springs to LA. to shop ’til I dropped. I had my Saks, Neimans, Barneys, Visa cards and cash ready to go. Unfortunately I got a little lost trying to find LA but pulling over on...

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Kim Kardashian, Say It Isn’t So

Uh-oh, I just read the breaking, earth-shattering news on my computer – Kim Kardashian and “what’s his name” are filing for divorce. Shock and awe baby! Their four-day romance had restored my faith in quick and inappropriate couplings. I was just going to join a dating service devoted to matching me with retired NBA or NFL stars. Yes siree, I thought an aging, hunched-over 7-foot center or beefy ex-480-pound offensive lineman was just a click away. I’m a realist and know I don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell in snatching a current player when I’m in competition with...

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Who Wants to be President?

I’m for no one who is marching to the White House. Besides which isn’t it too early to fill one’s brain with political jabberwocky? I have enough things on my mind no less spend time remembering who is running for President and who changed their mind and decided to stay home with their family or get a really high paying job as a political analyst. It really isn’t a job for a family person is it? We need more divorced candidates. Come to think of it being President is a crappy job. Face it everyone ends up hating you....

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My First Kiss, Fact or Fiction

Do you remember your first kiss? I do. Or I thought I did. I would have sworn on a stack of bibles, testified in a court of law, taken a lie detector test, or bet my first born that my first real kiss was from Doug Croft. I’m embarrassed to admit that it didn’t happen until high school as I was way behind the curve. There was a lot of kissing going on in middle school, just not with me. I was slow dancing but not kissing. Nope, it wasn’t until Freshman year that I found myself in the...

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Collecting Husbands and Stamps

I’ve had two husbands which at one time seemed like a lot. I have however, met men and women who are on their third , fourth and fifth spouse. It’s a little jaw dropping but seeing as how everyone is living so much longer it’s apparently possible to collect marriages like stamps. (Btw does anyone actually collect stamps anymore?) I feel thankful I got married in the 1970s and then again in the 80’s as I never would have met either husband in 2011. Why? It is necessary to LOOK UP to meet someone. Has anyone else noticed that...

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