Eckhart Tolle, number #1 on the Watkins 100 Spiritual Power List, believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Caroline Myss, medical intuitive and NYT bestselling author, has said that we have learned the language of woundology and it has become a way to identify ourselves and connect with others. How do we let go with grace and ease while being honest with ourselves? We may be spiritual beings having an earthly experience but if the dog bites, it sure hurts…yet we are not our “story.”

So what are some things you can do while dealing with a transformation in your life? Sometimes these endings are expected like graduating from school, sometimes they come unawares…death, lay-off, natural disaster destroying your home. How can we cope in as spiritual a way as possible?

Here are 8 user-friendly ways to get through endings:

1.Let yourself have a breakdown: Iyanla Vanzant said at Hay House, “ Just cuz you’re spiritual doesn’t mean you can’t have a breakdown. But it can’t go on forever. Set a time, cry, yell, let it out, feel what’s inside of you.” According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramset Medical Center in Minneapolis crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.

2.Talk to a friend: You don’t need ten friends, you need one or two good ones that will truly listen as you express your deepest feelings. Sometimes we REALLY just need to be HEARD and received with love and compassion.

3.Engage in a physical activity: Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind. During a serious break-up…I turned UP the DANCE quotient in my life. I started belly dancing like 6 times a week! My mami was stressing out that it would become my next career and I said “Mami!, be HAPPY I’m moving when all I wanna do is lay there!”

4.Follow a spiritual practice: Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment instead of re-living the past or worrying about the future. Hopefully you have a practice that supports you, if you don’t…it’s a PERFECT time to start one! Make it simple, make it something you like and can manage.

5.Be grateful: Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure. Be thankful for the shared time, the experience and the growth that you have acquired. Don’t worry about how the “other” proceeds with you, watch how you proceed. End with as much compassion, love and gratitude that your boundless soul can offer.

6.Laugh it out: Research shows that laughter releases tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. People report that they have healed illness with laughter so go ahead…put some comedic salve on that hurting heart : D

7.Focus on productive actions: Clean your room, your desk, your closet, start a hobby instead of dwelling on things you can’t control. When we are sad or nostalgic we tend to s-l-o-w down so get a move and get rid of stuff. Get a friend to join you on a project, it will get your blood flowing and your heart healing.

8. Forgive: Forgive you, forgive them, forgive, forgive…Even if there was an injustice done to you. FORGIVENESS helps RELEASE. This helps you get closure and keeps it MOVIN. Sometimes we hold on because we don’t want to forget…we are in fear that this will happen again. Forgiveness let’s us get unstuck so we are not living in the past and opens our heart to the PRESENT moment.

Of course, it will take some time but the more you focus on the positive and feel gratitude the more you allow your feelings and life to be transformed. As this situation, person or phase of life leaves you begin to enter a new phase. Think of all the amazing adventures you will experience and know that what makes this existence so enthralling ( enough to make us jump back in & reincarnate) is that its a journey. It’s up to you how much joy, love & abundance you allow.

Hoping that you let go easily & effortlessly as you welcome with joy; new awareness, opportunities and experiences that allow you to express your most ALIVE and happy self!

Smiles & Spirit,
V

Originally published November 2, 2012

Do you think we are able to communicate with our pets when they leave our physical plane? Stop for a moment and think. We are able to communicate with people. People and animals that have crossed over give images that connect to the medium and then to the client.

Animals have feelings and their vibrations and are tuned into us, perhaps even stronger than a human being.

Do you think you can only communicate if you can speak a language?

Mr. Ed spoke. He was the talking horse who spoke to Wilbur on the television series, “Mr. Ed”

Animals are very perceptive and give unconditional love. They are comforting and have saved families from Tsunamis by escorting them to the top of the mountains prior to the disaster. Animals have been known to go into a home and save their families by pulling those loved ones out from a fire. In fact, animals communicate in many ways better than do humans. They can sense calmness and they can sense tension. Interestingly enough, I have been mentoring a man named Frank who is able to communicate with the animals.

The very first visit, Frank came to my office and he described a tragedy that transpired ten years ago with a small dog I had. He was detailed and right to the point. I could not stop the tears from rolling down my face. The Veterinarian, my friend, confirmed what transpired. It was deeper than I had ever imagined. Frank was specific. Then he confirmed the love from Annie who was on the other side. A poodle that I had who I carried with me all over the place. He told me she thanks me for the wonderful five years that she had with me. I felt her love and began to go for another box of tissues. Brandi was a small poodle who came to me as soon as she passed. Animals feel the presence of other animals as well as humans. It was clear to me when Snoopy, a miniature café o le poodle that I had, backed up five feet from where Cleo my beagle who crossed over used to sit. He stared like there was no tomorrow.

Animals tend to turn their heads, stare or back up when they feel the presence of another animal. They even begin to wag their tail when they feel they are seeing a friend that has departed. Animals may not verbalize as do humans but they converse stronger than humans. They communicate to us by letting us know they are feeling our warmth. They sometimes sit next to a loved one and show their markings. They will let us know their sense of humor and what they specifically enjoyed doing and what their favorite toy was when in the physical.

Animals like humans do not stop loving. They communicate without words but they have already learned that love is the ultimate divine. Many humans have not mastered that component of love. Animals are said to be gentler than any human. They will continue to communicate with us and feel warmth and compassion. I have met some people who have crossed over and are spending their time learning to love animals because while in this life they didn’t understand them and didn’t like them. Animals are the understanding and companionate ones. If we look in a mirror, “the meanest animal you are looking at is you”. 

To submit a question for Nancy’s column, please e-mail Nancy at MediumNancyMeryl@HereWomenTalk.com. Every letter is important and reviewed carefully. However, because Nancy receives a very large number of letters, she cannot answer every one. Thank you for understanding.

To schedule a private reading with Nancy, contact Nancy through her site at www.MediumshipBeyond.com

Originally published November 23, 2012

Paper Clutter affects everyone!

This week I helped a Direct Sales Consultant work through her piles of paperwork. Her personal experience and the reason for her paper clutter was typical.  There was a time that everything used to be organized. All of her paperwork used to be filed and was always kept neat and orderly and she never looked for anything. Then, unexpectedly, life happened and handling the paperwork became too stressful for her to deal with on  a daily basis.

Let the Pile Management Begin

When life happened, paperwork went into piles, stacks, bins and got tucked into boxes to deal with at a later point. The only problem is that it did not take too long before the paperwork was too overwhelming to deal with and the project of sorting through it all seemed too daunting and impossible to achieve without help. And, the stress of looking for one piece of paper was costing time and money. Something had to be done. It was easier to simply put it into one of the many boxes that were already piled high and hope that it would not be needed at a later point.

The Basics of a Paper Management System

In just 4 short hours we touched every piece of paper in the room and sorted it into one of four categories…business, medical, personal and work. As expected, over half of the paperwork was related to her Direct Sales Business.

As we sorted through the paperwork, we also found items that needed a special home. We found “Action Items” that needed her attention. The action items were set aside to ensure that these were the first items on her To Do List for the following day.  Even though it seemed as if there was still a ton of paperwork left, it was beginning to become manageable. We were finding light at the end of the tunnel simply because we now were able to identify the next step in the organizing process. Having all of the categories sorted made it easy to begin setting up her specific paper management system.

Developing a Paper Management System

Developing a Paper Management System is not a one-size fits all.  Your reason for paper clutter may be the same as your friend, neighbor or colleague. However, the answer to your paper management system will not be the same as anyone else. Your paper management system must be personalized to fit your specific needs and your organizing style. The only similarity with every paper management system is that it must be easy and simple to follow. This will allow you to explain your system to someone else…so that when you are ready, you can hire an assistant or ask someone else to help you with the filing of the paperwork.

So…the phone died…and…I did what I had to do…no…I didn’t Google…I know…I Google everything…but…for this…Google couldn’t help me…now that doesn’t mean that I didn’t do my research…I did…it was just hands on…

I went to the local store…and…checked out all of the available models…now…most people shopping for phones…are checking out the features…which one makes coffee…which one
fetches the newspaper…then…they look for how many drone phones it has…that kind of thing…

Me…not so much…I looked for the largest handset…and…I actually tried them all out…right there in the store…cradling each one…between…my ear and right shoulder…to see which one would fit…without slipping out…

I know…this sounds like a strange criterion for selecting a phone…checking out Consumer Reports…would seem like a wiser strategy…but…in all honesty…next to the fact that it was
cordless…this was the only thing that mattered to me…

After Chiari surgery…my neck isn’t as supple as it once was…and…holding a phone…just really isn’t comfortable for me…it’s a nerve damage thing…

So…reading about it…even…when it says that it has a larger handset…when did they stop being receivers…is not the same thing…as trying it out…and that’s just what I did…even
though…they were secured with pullout cables…I managed to get them into the talking position…

I can only imagine that I looked strange to passersby…but…kinda like checking out the mattresses…before buying a bed…it had to be done…

Luckily…I found the perfect phone…it fit just fine…they had one…exactly…one…in stock…I brought it home…where…I discovered…it had other features…an answering machine…which I don’t need…so…I turned it off…but…there were some cool things…it talks to me…that’s right…the phone talks…telling me who is calling…and…not only that…since it is larger…everything is larger…I can actually see the numbers…and read the screen…without my readers and a magnifying glass…who knew it would be so neat…

Okay…so…I’m happy as punch with my new phone…except for one thing…it isn’t ringing…come on…call me…I want to hear it talk…

Originally posted June 7, 2012

Come on Gen X, let’s get real. I’m not a big fan of those lofty, bookish, geek-touted financial models – and my least favorite model is Monte Carlo Simulation. In plain terms, here’s what a Monte Carlo Simulation is. It’s named after a city in Monaco where people gamble because that’s exactly what it does; it projects your wealth based risk, chance, and randomness. It takes a scenario, such as your $250k savings growing at a 5% return, and then shakes, rattles, and rolls it several times. These are called trials. The trials show different outcomes based on the random variables, or “shocks” that the model incorporates into each trial. For example, one trial may assume that inflation sharply rises.

A probability distribution of the outcome of these trails is what the financial advisor presents to you as the estimation of your future wealth. People buy it because they trust the advisor, but most of the time the person explaining it to you hasn’t take the time to understand the random variables used in the model, or thought about if those assumptions are relevant to your particular life.

Financial advisor laziness is only one of the reasons why a Monte Carlo Simulation should not be trusted. Models are depictions of reality – but they are not reality, especially ones that are complex, highly statistical, and rely on a large set of assumptions about events occurring over long periods of time. Small inaccuracies are magnified over long periods of time because the error becomes compounded each year. I’m skeptical any time a model projects an event or a figure over a period of longer than five years.

Money is personal and people get emotional about it. Such models do not account for emotional events, such as panic withdrawals. A Monte Carlo doesn’t take into account the response that the person will have towards interim outcomes along the way. The analysis may rely on the assumption that you’ll have a loss 15 years out of the next 45. Well, how many people are really going to put up with it if three of those losses occur in three consecutive years? They’d pull their money out of the market so fast! Models like this are worthless because they don’t account for investor psychology which plays a huge part every step of the way. Monte should be used for projections of things where people’s emotions aren’t involved.

My advice is to rip up that Monte analysis and throw it in the trash can. Then, do the following. Ask yourself these four questions:

What is my net worth (assets minus liabilities) as of today? (Believe it or not, many people don’t have a clue what their net worth is – especially in Gen X!)
At what age do I want to retire? Now, some Gen X people say, “Sara, I love work! I never want to retire! I’m going to work until I die!” You can’t control everything. You may wear out due to issues beyond your control, issues you may not imagine when you are a healthy 35 years old. Assume that you will retire at some point (just at a later age if you like working that much.)
How much money I need to have in order to retire at that time?
What could possibly go wrong to prevent me from achieving this goal?
In regards to answering Question #3, if you decide to take higher risk, ask yourself these questions.

What would an aggressive portfolio have done in the years 2007 and 2008?
Is a double digit negative return going to put me in a bad mood so that I snap at my family, friends, and coworkers until the market comes back?
Am I going to panic and withdraw money if my portfolio goes down 20%?
What did I do with my portfolio in the years 2007-2008 when the market was volatile? Would I do that again? (Hey folks, remember that past behavior is the best prediction of your future behavior in times these instances.)
Let’s spare ourselves the bells and whistles and get back to basics. I favor an approach that focuses on liabilities not assets. My approach would be this:

Look at what you’re going to be on the hook for paying over the next 35-40 years, and then figure out how much you need to make in income to pay that.
Figure out what the lowest possible amount for each liability might be, and the highest possible amount for each liability might be.
Calculate what the total liability amount is projected by the time you retire both for the low and high scenarios
Then, given your income and net worth, figure out how much that means you need to save in order to achieve a level of wealth that matches your goals. Do this for both scenarios.
As Gen Xers, we’ve got control of our income, our savings, and if you’re starting to save and invest in your 20′s or 30′s, you’ve taken control of time. Anyone reading this post should tweet to me @saragrillo3 if they have opinions about the down to earth Grillo way to project your retirement savings.

Disclaimers

This is neither an offer to sell nor the solicitation of an offer to purchase any interest in GIM or any other investments discussed. This publication is for informational purposes only; it is not intended to be a solicitation, offering, or recommendation by Grillo Investment Management, LLC of any product, security, transaction, or service. It should not in any way be interpreted as investment, financial, tax, or legal advice.

An investment in any security discussed herein may be speculative, and may involve a high degree of risk. An investor in securities could lose all or a substantial amount of his or her investment. Investors should conduct thorough analysis on their own before investing in any investment vehicle. The risks of investing in international markets include currency fluctuations and political instabilities.

This presentation and its contents are proprietary information of GIM and may not be reproduced or otherwise disseminated in whole or in part without GIM’s consent. All data herein was obtained from publicly available information and/or sources, internally developed data, and other sources believed to be reliable. Except as otherwise stated, GIM has not sought to independently verify information obtained from public or third party sources and makes no representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, regarding the accuracy, completeness, or reliability of such information.

Hypothetical and forward looking statements should not be taken as an indication or guarantee of any future performance, analysis, forecast, or prediction. Past, pro forma, hypothetical, projected, or suggested performance of any investment or portfolio of investments is not necessarily indicative of future performance. Dividend rates are not guaranteed payments, nor can they guarantee a rate of return.

The S&P 500 Index consists of 500 selected stocks, all of which are listed on the exchange, the NYSE or NASDAQ, and spans over 24 separate industry groups. It tracks the performance of the US large cap equity market. Indexes are unmanaged and investors are not able to invest directly into any index. Dividend rates are not guaranteed payments, nor can they guarantee a rate of return.

GETTING ORGANIZED AT HOME

Having my kitchen cabinets, lazy susan and pantry organized feels great! Getting organized at home just feels awesome. I love, love the smile on my husband’s face when he opens the cupboard and it “looks” neat and pretty. We have never had trouble finding what we need, everything really was organized to a certain degree. However, it now looks great too. We downsized a little and eliminated some things that we hadn’t used in a while and now there is more space.

You are probably thinking…shouldn’t you know all of this Linda? For goodness sake! After all, this is what you have been doing for clients for six years!

GETTING ORGANIZED CHANGES THE WAY YOU FEEL

Yes, I have always enjoyed the smiles on my client’s faces when we organize their space. Whether it is the kitchen, paperwork, closets, garage in your home – or systems and processes for a business – getting organized feels great! My clients have always told me how good it feels. (And I believed them because I could see the excitement in their eyes).

Now, I know what it feels like too! Again, we have never spent time looking for anything that we needed. We haven’t experienced anxiety or stress looking for something. Time management due to lack of organization has never been an issue. However, having a new perspective on “how” things could be organized differently within my own space has been very enlightening.  It’s just as easy as before, but slightly more functional.

NOW THAT I AM ORGANIZED…….?

Complete the sentence. How would you answer it? Now that I am organized, I feel good about my space. Now that I am organized, I am able to have an extra 10 minutes every evening just to relax. Personally, now that I am organized, my husband wants to help more – which makes me very happy!

Being organized isn’t always easy and sometimes staying organized can be even harder. Keeping your space organized is just like being on a diet. It takes consistency, and the development of habits. Staying organized doesn’t magically happen (unless you have someone doing everything for you). It requires doing the same thing over and over and over again and developing systems that may seem to take forever when you are beginning the process. However, once you get used to the process, things really don’t take as long as you think they do.

Major meow-wow! Within a few pages, I knew Gwen Cooper had done the impossible — made me believe I was hearing the authentic interior monologue of Prudence, the rescued cat who is the major star of this novel. But not to worry, Prudence doesn’t have to carry the whole book. We also lap up chapters by Sarah, the woman who originally rescues Prudence, as well as her somewhat estranged daughter, a lawyer named Laura. Living on the lower East side of New York City, Prudence and Sarah have had a deeply mutual admiration for each other. Then Sarah disappears. Shortly thereafter, Laura and Josh show up at Sarah’s apartment and start packing boxes. Prudence is also packed up and moved to their apartment on the upper West side.

The worst possible thing has happened: Sarah has died, but Prudence doesn’t really understand that for quite some time. Laura is on automatic pilot at work and within her relatively new marriage. She is not dealing with the unresolved issues she had with her mother. Single Mom Sarah was a bohemian of sorts, once a DJ and eventually, the owner of a record store. Laura feels permanently scarred by an awful event in her childhood, where she and her mother were turned out of their tenement apartment with only the clothes on their backs. Ever since then, Laura has fiercely dedicated her life to achieving financial security. Anyway, though at first she does not warm up to her mother’s cat and thus, poor Prudence is an emotional wreck. Eventually these two gals forge a bond that leads towards healthy grief and acceptance. The scenes where Prudence roots around in Sarah’s boxed up possessions, searching for familiar smells are heart-wrenching. Her calculating moves to annoy or endear herself to her new owners are truly a stitch! You will so believe you have been granted access to what makes cats tick. I was reminded of a book with similar appeal, The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein, even though that lovely book was about a dog (sorry, Prudence). I also enjoyed Gwen Cooper’s nonfiction book, Homer’s Odyssey: a Fearless Feline Tale, or How I Learned About Love and Life with a Blind Wonder Cat (2009).

PS: I have the opportunity to meet the author today, since she is appearing in Houston at Friends for Life, a no-kill animal shelter!

By the way, the cat on the cover does not much look like Prudence; now why couldn’t they have done a better job of that? Also, the title, based on the name of a resale shop, is a little too cutsey for me. But those are small matters indeed, compared to the deep pleasure of spending time with Prudence and her two-legged caretakers. Read and enjoy!

When you are worrying (which is what stress is caused from) you are using your Imagination.

When you focus on the feelings you would like to experience…. you are using your Imagination.

The difference is…. one feels great…. and one feels awful.

You may think you have no control over the stress in your life, but in truth, NO ONE can decide how you feel except you.  YOU are the only one who chooses how to respond with your feelings to what others are doing, thinking, or saying.  When someone behaves in a certain way, You choose to feel bad about it, (guilt, anger, frustration, worry etc) when you have the ability to choose to feel differently.

If you are saying to someone “You are putting me in a bad mood!”…. it’s not them that is doing it…. it’s you.

You may think this is bad news….    but really…. it’s great news!  When you decide how you feel regardless of what others are doing…. YOU take back your power.  It’s YOUR vibration the Universe is responding to, so if you have a mess from stress… it is only You who can clean it up.

Although it’s easier to blame others for how we feel, and what is happening to us, the result of this way of thinking is creating more and more messes that will keep showing up over and over again.

With practice (yes….. mastering your emotions takes practice) YOU can become a deliberate creator of the feelings you experience.  Would you like to feel good in life?  Would you like to feel enjoyment from the experiences you have?  Would you like to leave the mess behind as you eliminate stress from your life?   The choice is always yours.

For over 40 years, stress was my constant companion, and life sucked.  I was overweight, living on welfare, feeling depressed so much that some days I couldn’t get out of bed…. sound familiar?

When I learned the power of my own thoughts, and learned how to master my own feelings….. the mess wasn’t so messy, and the stress seemed to be less and less frequent in making appearances in my everyday life.

Stress is caused from using your imagination in a way that doesn’t serve you, and something that is totally within your control.  Go within, discover who you are, and allow yourself to imagine your life as you would like it to be.

My own research has been so valuable to me in this subject, I have decided to share everything I have learned in the last 5 years on the topic of deliberate creating and the power of using your imagination.

I am hosting monthly Spiritual Workshops (online) there is no cost, and anyone seeking answers is welcome to attend.

If stress is making a mess in your life, it may be just what you need to get you headed in the right direction as you step into your own personal power.  In the meantime, here are some tips that you can begin using right now to reduce the stress in your life.

GIVE YOURSELF TIME EACH DAY - Even if it’s 10 minutes behind a locked bathroom door, give yourself a few minutes each day to connect with who you really are.  Even if you just use the time to take a breath, away from what may be blowing up around you.

USE YOUR IMAGINATION - Allow yourself to use your imagination to make you smile. Imagine the person you would be if you were living your ideal life. What would you be doing each day? What would your day to day experiences be if you were indeed living your ideal life?  Imagine yourself as you want to be, and BE IT in your mind.

BE AWARE OF YOUR I AM STATEMENTS- Your I AM statements are more powerful than you know. When you make a statement “I AM”__________ whatever you add after it…. locks it in place.  How many times have you said “I am so stressed out”!  I Am broke, I am angry, I am frustrated, I am so sick of this!  and….. yup, you guessed it…. it happened.

If you just take small steps and begin to practice applying what I have shared, you will notice a change.  The more you practice, the better at it you get.

If you haven’t read Dr. Wayne Dyers book “Wishes Fulfilled” I HIGHLY recommend it. It’s a life changer.

CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR COPY NOW

You have everything you need within you right now, to begin creating change in your life…. it all begins with a
decision, and you are the only one who has the power to make it.

I recently released my “Energy Works” Resistance Release Meditation CD, and have made it available for instant download, so now you can experience the same sessions as my clients, anytime you want, from the comfort of your own home.  Whether you use my meditation, or another way to release your resistance, make sure you give yourself the opportunity each day to align with the fullest version of yourself.  Read a personal growth book, enjoy some time outside, or just take a hot bath.  Whatever way you choose to align…. just do it.

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE

by Stephanie Kathan

please visit

ENERGYWORKSWITHME.COM

Originally published June 7, 2012

Staying Focused is Important and it seems to be a problem for so many. There are so many distractions that can draw you away from that you need to do. It seems to be almost at an epidemic level. No wonder our children have trouble focusing to get things done…parents can’t focused enough to keep their children focused!

STAYING FOCUSED IS DIFFICULT

My personal opinion is that technology has made it even more difficult to stay focused. Our need to be “in the know” and “up to date” with everything that is going on in the World – within minutes of an event seems to be a driving force in what and how we live our daily lives. It is also distracting us from our family life and our family lifestyle. Take a look at a family that has gone out to dinner in a restaurant. Odds are that in a family of 4, at least 2 people will be sitting at the table with their phones in their hands and tweeting, posting, emailing or texting.

Staying focused is also difficult because we feel the need to multi-task all the time. We can check email while sitting at a traffic light; send a tweet while sitting in a meeting and hold a conversation on our cell phones while we are doing just about anything and everything else during the day.

WHY WE TRY TO DO MORE and MORE

Whether we realize it or not, the stress of trying to do more and more is counter-productive. Because technology seems to make it “easier” for us to do more in less time, we are expecting more of ourselves. We put more pressure on ourselves to do the same amount of work (or more) in less time. Because…shouldn’t all of this technology help us save time? And, there is an “app” for that!

The problem with having an “app” to help with everything is that we can lose focus on what we can (and should) be doing while we are learning how to use the new app.  There is always a learning curve associated with anything that is new. And, we want to know it all, right now!

STAYING FOCUSED  WITH TECHNOLOGY

The constant development of new apps for our phones, ipads, tablets and computers can be very addicting. I relate it to a pilot of an F14 or F18 and the movie Top Gun. We have the “Need for Speed”. Maybe you can relate it to sitting behind the wheel at a Nascar Race. We want the new app to be the answer for us to get more done…in less time. And, when that doesn’t happen immediately, we get frustrated and move on to the next app – with the same promises to make life easier.

The truth about staying focused is to know your personality and what will (and won’t) work for you.  I work with a paper calendar (and will always use a paper calendar). That is my personality and it works for me. However, tracking my mileage on paper is not a good idea for my personality. I tried it several times and it just doesn’t work…so I track my mileage on my cell phone. After all, there are only tons of apps to choose from. I found one that works for me because it is quick and easy and basic. It doesn’t include unneeded bells and whistles.

Linda Clevenger, Organization Direct

I discovered that I’d been taught to be afraid of things when I was young and that by the time I was an adult I didn’t even realize it was “fear” I was experiencing, when the fearful thought I was taught (the thought caused the Fear) came into my head.

There are more elements involved with dealing with “fear” than I ever imagined there would be. The first thing I had to do was realize the feeling that I was feeling was, indeed, Fear. I felt stressed, but didn’t even realize it was fear that was stressing me. Duh! It didn’t occur to me that fear is THE thing that causes stress. When I was growing up it seemed as though fear was important and so was stress. If you weren’t doing all you should be doing (studying, engaging in team sports, getting A in your exam, looking sweet and attracting the top boys to ask you to the prom, etc. etc. etc. etc.  I felt that I was being bad if I wasn’t feeling stressed. I was “supposed” to be stressed.  My dad was wonderful and I adored him and have adored thinking about him throughout the thirty-five years since he’s made his transition. However, I now realize that he taught me that it was important to feel stressed until everything that needed doing got done and – that, of course, would never happen – since there were always new things that needed to be done! Now I understand why my dear ex-husband would often say, “WW rides again!” WW stood for Worry Wart.

I also didn’t realize that the thoughts that would come into my head -when various things took place or thoughts that came up for me when I was placed in certain circumstances – were thoughts that were taught to me.  They weren’t thoughts I actually came up with myself. They were so close to the thoughts I was taught to have as a child that they weren’t the thoughts I’d choose now if I was choosing freely and choosing from a clear mind.

The basics of those thoughts were taught to me when I was too little to realize they weren’t the truth and weren’t my own. We’re all taught to have thoughts that will keep us safe. However so many parents – loving parents – think that to keep their child safe they have to teach them to fear dangerous things. If we could have all been taught to quiet down and go within to get clear directions of what to do in a situation

I’ve begun learning that worrying and fear instead of been important in helping me succeed are THE elements that will keep me from succeeding.

Next month I’m going to talk about the techniques that have been helping me get rid of those taught useless fearful thoughts!  You read right. I wrote “useless”! (Fearful thoughts ARE useless!) We’re usually taught to have them by well meaning, in fact, loving people. That’s why they don’t seem “useless” to us. But take it from me they are useless. Fear is not the thing that leads to wise choices. Fear exists only in our mind. Fear isn’t truth.

I’ll also expand on this next month. I’m writing about this topic because I think learning that fearful thoughts are useless will help me be ME. Fearful thoughts keep me from being me.  I think (from wisdom and not from fear) that this may be the most important thing I’ve ever learned!

I hope that those of you who are younger than I am – and most of you are – don’t have to wait until you’re in your seventies to discover that “fear” isn’t useful.  Yes – it’s wise to step back if a car is coming. However, being afraid might lead us to step back in the wrong direction rather than stepping away using the wisest of safest direction.

I’m ending this column with a quote I found in Erik Butterworth’s writings:

“The word secure comes from two small Latin words: se meaning “without” and cure meaning “care”–being without care, freedom from anxiety. Victor Hugo articulates this very special sense in this lovely couplet:

“Be like the bird
That pausing in her flight
While on boughs too slight
Feels them give way
Beneath her, and yet sings,
Knowing that she hath wings.”