Fifty Shades of Red After Reading Fifty Shades of Grey

True confession time.  I don’t think I turned red by reading this book – I just needed a title for my article.

And for the record, I have never held a job where the words” Mistress” or “Darkness” were part of my job title. I am just saying that the book surprised me a little, but it wasn’t about the sex. And just for the record, there was a lot of sex happening in this book. I started smoking again.

What surprised me about Fifty Shades of Grey, which I avoided reading until I found out Amazon would send the book in a plain envelope and that the mailman was on strict orders not to giggle and tell all my neighbors, is that it is a sad book instead of being just a sex book.

Ah, the things we buy in order to do research.

Without giving too much of the story-line away…wait a sec, are people really reading this for the story-line?

Well, I did find one between the dominant and the submissive.

Do I continue or do I go get my masters in sexology first? Oh, screw it. I am almost done.

One of the main characters is a very broken person. And it is really troubling to see how any form of abuse on a young, inexperienced mind can lead to distorted views about sex and love making. Now I am not saying that pushing the envelope pass “vanilla” or “missionary” is a bad thing. Oh, no, not me. Let me just grab a cigarette.  I am all for people having great sex.  In fact, I would hope the majority of people are having just that (but I think they aren’t and that is why this book is so popular), but love making and inflicting real pain on someone’s body and psyche should never mix. Mrs. Robinson – you should be ashamed of yourself.

And in Fifty Shades of Grey, sex, emotional scarring along with an unhealthy dose of physical pain on an innocent and confused player was easily uncovered in between the sheets.

Now I know I am only on book one and I am aware that my smoking addiction will be out of control by the time I get to book three, but I hope people reading this book will stop having sex for a minute and acknowledge that there is another story going on.

I doubt it.

So since this is my article, I figure I would mention my fantasy.  Let me just put out my cigarette.

Before I go to that great “Oh, Baby, Baby” in the sky:

I would like to have a man come up and take me in his arms,

I would like the song, “Some Enchanted Evening” to be playing in the background. You can get it on Amazon – the new Broadway cast version with Paulo Szot handling the lead.  Please buy it new – it’s only $12.21,

And I would like him not to step on my feet as we dance in a public place.

Fade to black.

Damn it.  I am out of cigarettes.

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