I have found a way to fill up my empty nest that’s been most satisfying. I fill up my empty nest with me. My thoughts, my ideas, my life. I am finding out how great it is to be able to put my needs and desires first, and how great it feels to be turning towards a new way of being seen in the world – no longer just as my children’s mother, but as a woman with a voice, an identity, an opinion – someone with value beyond my former full time job as a stay-at-home mom.
I’m very much connected to the people that I love, even more so in some ways than I was when I was raising my children. Now my marriage is taking center stage each day, instead of my children’s daily goings-on. And you know what? It’s fun. When my kids were growing up, they needed so much of me -they were my life. I chose to be this type of mother – the one who is always there in the morning when they leave, always around when they come home at the end of the day. For me, there would have been no other way to do it. Not only did it make me happy, but it gave me a purpose and a focus unlike any I’d ever had before them. When they were young and the thought of them being gone would cross my mind, it was as if I would be venturing into a foreign country, it seemed so alien to me.
And then they left. First one, then two years later, the other. It was the most difficult transition I’ve ever experienced. All of the reasons I had for getting up each day were now gone – and though I continued to be their mother via phone, text and the like, the daily business of raising my family was over. Wow. I won’t lie, it was awful. But it wasn’t so much about missing them – I did, but not in the heartbreaking way I know some women do when their kids leave home – it was about finding my purpose, my passion, my confidence – about finding myself. I knew it couldn’t be about them anymore – but was I really that interesting?
And then I remembered how much I loved to write. I remembered that there is a kind of peace that comes over me when I start to create something. Blogging seemed a like a good first step, so I took a deep breath and began. And guess what? I think I’ve found it. No, I know I’ve found it – that thing we all look for that makes us feel like we matter, like we’re important, like we have a place in this world. I started blogging for me, but then something great happened – people started reading my posts. Then commenting. Then sharing with their friends.
So now, I’m a writer. Now I know how I want to spend my time, which makes the time I don’t spend writing seem more relaxed, more ok. Because instead of feeling like I’m searching for who I am, now I’m searching for where I’ll go next.
We all have something. Find it, use it, test it out. Find the way to fill your nest with yourself.
Great post, Sharon. I’m so glad you found you. Well done on raising your children. Even better on raising yourself. Because that’s what you’ve done — nurtured yourself, just like you do your children, to find your passion, express yourself, and enjoy your life. Isn’t that what you want for your children? Too often we give, give, give to others and neglect ourselves. So you’re setting a good example for women to treat themselves well and mother themselves like they would their own children. Thank you!
Great advice. I’m not to this stage of Motherhood yet–I’m still in the being around while they’re growing stage. I have 5 kids and I certainly can’t picture being an empty nester or even imagining what it is like. Although I do hope that my oldest gets married and has kids before the younger one (10 years younger) leaves the house. Maybe the nest won’t seem so empty!! Cheers
Great advice. My mother seems to be having a little “empty nest syndrome” I hope she learns to spend some time on herself… maybe I should suggest blogging…
Sharon,
So glad you discovered your new passion with writing. I think we are always evolving and I know for myself I am looking for the next thing that will fill me up. Wiritng and art came along again and it makes getting up in the morn all the more sweeter.
It’s amazing what’s inside of us once we start looking for it, isn’t it?
Woah, I love your article and it sounded SO familiar as if you had read my thoughts; Teri Cole posted it on her FB wall, and that’s how I discovered your blog. Thanks again, and keep; I’m reading you from France!
Thank you Fabienne! All the way from France – and still we are all the same in so many ways. Love Teri – she’s a terrific person!
You are so right! Find it! I have filled my retirement days with so many things I didn’t even know I was missing. I love doing some crafts, when I am motivated. I love writing blogs and working on my book(s) and I love cooking and creating recipes. I hadn’t been doing much of any of those things because I had a job and other responsibilities, now I have ME time. ♥
This is one of the best blogs I have read in a long time! Too many women just stop living after the kids are gone. We have so much time to do the things that we love and to develop our own gifts and strengths.
Thank you Kay – I’m so glad you liked it.