I recently read a post here regarding forgiveness of those who have abused you. I’m still scratching my head two weeks later.
There are some things in life I can forgive, like the person who accidentally killed my first puppy (I’ve not had another since) or the person who ran into my vehicle and caused $3,000 worth of damage, or the newspaper delivery person for not placing my paper in the newspaper box where it belongs at 5 a.m. on the weekends.
How can forgiving someone who abused you for years help erase any lingering memories? How can forgiving them help undo the wrongs? How can it give you back a part of you that was taken? To me, it would seem forgiving them simply gives them more power.
Beth, I don’t know what original post you read about forgiveness, but I do know it is a touchy subject. My father and brother abused me, and I found forgiveness for them through compassion for their pain, knowing their history. My father killed himself. My brother USED my forgiveness by drawing me back into his life when he needed a partner in grief when his son died. Then, he betrayed me again when he said my compassion was insincere. How could he measure my compassion and judge my forgiveness? Only evil will manipulate another’s forgiveness. I have decided that I release forgiveness to a higher power. I never thought I would forgive myself for the drug and alcohol abuse, failed careers, and suicide attempts. When I realized that these behaviors were a result of abuse, I was able to forgive myself. That means I have compassion for myself and no longer feel so ashamed. As for the others, I did what I could, and forgiveness means I move on to embrace healthy relationships that accept valuable gifts.
I am sorry for what you have gone through. (hug)
I think I will have to leave forgiveness of my abuser to a higher power as well. I’m just not able to to do it. I’m glad you have forgiven yourself. From everything I’ve read in the past two weeks it seems critical for healing to take place.
I have found myself, when reading, coming across reminders of things I had forgotten (or blocked) that happened even 35 years ago. It has been good in that I remember, know that it wasn’t my fault, let it go, and as you say…release the shame I have felt. Thank you!
It took me a few days, but this morning I finally found the post I read weeks ago: http://herewomentalk.com/forgiveness-your-joking
Forgiving those who have harmed us is one of the most difficult things to do and also one of the most freeing. When we forgive, it means we let go of the anger inside us. It’s the anger that holds us hostage, not the person who harmed us. I’m not saying I could do it, just that I recognize the value in forgiveness.
Thank you for your response.
I can’t grasp that forgiving them is even a possibilty, I think, because I’ve come to believe it is not accidental when people harm individuals in this way. Maybe in time….