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Alasha, referred to lovingly as The Dating Mechani... Read more


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Giving Sound Advice? Your Friendship May Depend On It
05/30/12

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Alasha,
My best friend and her fiancé have been together for a few years now and they are finally ready to tie the knot. She wants a big wedding but he would rather buy a house. Being married to my husband for almost a decade now I tried to sit her down and persuade her to yield to what her husband is trying to build for them and to consider what a lavish one day event would mean versus the security of a home. She thinks I am taking her fiancés side and we have been at odds ever since. Is there a better way to approach the situation and get my friend to see that their money would be better spent in a more stable investment?

Patricia

Pat,
It sounds more like you are your friend’s financial advisor then her confidant. I can understand your concern for her future but it is not your responsibility now or ever to mediate between her and her future husband’s affairs.

Your friend has put you in an awkward position causing you to feel like you should offer a solution but beware do not get sucked into that vacuum.

When you are coming from the position of experience as you obviously are you may forget to separate your need to tell her what’s good for her from being an ear to listen when she needs to vent her frustrations. Your friendship will surely drift away if you cannot take hold of your need to impart wisdom where it is not wanted.

If you desire to mend your friendship, go to your friend and ask her to forgive you for not being that ear she needed at that moment. Assure her in the future you will try to listen more and only offer advice when she asks you. As you already know marriage can be challenging, especially in the first few years. Let her know how important it is for them to find a way to communicate with one another and to compromise and then say no more about it. You may also want to keep the number to a marriage coach on hand you can refer her to. Your friendship depends on it.

The Dating Mechanic

 

I want to hear from you! To submit a dating question for the column, email me at info@alashabennett.com


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