I went to Camp Reena, in Palmer Mass, from 1948 – 1957. During my early camp years we had a “thing” called Honor Legion. You’d get into the Honor Legion by getting a series of what were called “stripes”. I believe we needed seven stripes to be inducted into this society. The counselors voted on the stripes that were to be given to each on the campers in the group the counselors were assigned to. Each year I received six out of the seven stripes until the very end of the season. I think the counselors felt sorry for me and gave me the Leadership Stripe at the very end. I laugh now because I won the cup for “Best Midgie” my very first year at camp and then years later, in the “Junior” group, I won the best Junior Character cup. I had no idea what I did that “Midgie Summer”. I guess I was the unconscious “People Pleaser” even then and the Leadership Stripe always eluded me until the last minute.
I’m finally learning, as a senior, that when I’m not doing what’s on my “to do” list, especially when the items include telling others what they “need to do” to make an event, business, etc work – I know the list is about going for something that’s important to me or, I could say, for me. I could give good directions of what was needed. However, when people didn’t follow through, it was excruciating for me to have to talk to them about it and, if what they were doing wasn’t working and they refused to alter their way of doing things I just didn’t have the strength to tell them that they had to come up with an alternate, i.e., better way, if they wanted to remain with my company. I didn’t have the guts to dismiss a rather nefarious consulting team I hired. I did learn that people you call for references often have the same problem I had, i.e., fearing “making waves” about past employees. This incident caused me a great setback. Here I was a person who graduated first in her class at Cornell University’s College of Industrial & Labor Relations! Why would a sane person not say what they needed to? I’ve discovered that many of us have some insanity in this area.
Guess what? I’m finally getting the feeling, that now I’ll get what I want. I’ll go for it with less of a tightened stomach – or rather, as David Friedman has helped me see – with the tightened stomach. I’ll just let my stomach feel tight and go for it anyway. I’m happy going onstage tightened stomach or not. When it comes to performing, I think I’m supposed to feel that sometimes. The thing that’s hardest for me to do is to ask for what I want or, especially, to tell people what to do. However, now I feel myself shifting in this area.
Minister, Justin Epstein’s talk this week finally cleared my mind about it being wrong for me to ask for money. He spoke about life really being about giving and not about my little (or big as the case may sometimes be) ego wanting to do things to get a reward for myself. His talk quieted me down and I saw that I do need to eat and have a warm home, etc. Then, I asked myself would like to get paid for? I realized that the things I love to do and would like to be paid for, because now the world still deals with money to get heat and food, etc., is work that is truly helping people get what they want. Does that sound too “Goody Two Shoes”?
Guess what? If you read columns on or subscribe to “Here Women Talk”, I’ll bet you, that the work you truly want to get paid for is also work that helps people.
Now – I finally feel that I deserve to have a warm home and food so I can do the work I do. I don’t have to do it the way me “Bobbie’s Ego” thinks I should do it. I’ll give myself a few minutes every day to connect to the energy that I believe created and feeds the development of the world and I’ll ask for guidance to design what I call mini-Qs to get it. More about mini-Qs(?) in a later column.
Follow me. I’m going to get my Leadership Stripe and I’m going to win and getting what I want. I’m not telling you “what” I’m going for yet. I’ll discuss progress I’m making in terms of sticking with a plan that I’m guided go follow. I’ll let you know what it is when I get it!
“So let it be written. So let it be done”. I’ll keep thinking of Yul Brenner – as Ramses in The Ten Commandments”! I was in love with Yul Brenner!
To most people, it looks as though many of my dreams have come true. I have. However there are major things in life I’m still meant to accomplish. Here we go! “ It’s gonna be a bumpy ride” – unless it isn’t. I hold that it isn‘t.