Alasha,

I was married for twelve years and have been divorced for two. My young daughter lives in the home with me and I have gone back to school working towards another degree. Between those two things I have little time if any to socialize. I do have some ladies I call up from time to time just to hang out but I always feel awkward because it’s usually a spur of the moment thing. I’m not interested in a romantic relationship at this point in my life and I don’t want to lead any of these women on. I have finally found out who I am and what I enjoy doing and I’m not ready to give up my new independence. How do I let a woman know that I’m not looking for forever?

Reggie

I could not have said it better Reggie, tell them what you told me. Be as upfront and authentic in person as you are in writing. Honesty is the start to any friendship no matter where it leads. It is crystal clear to me that after being with someone for so long you are content with flying solo (at least most of the time) and your attention is elsewhere. Do expand your network of friends so you are not spending all of your free time with only one lady. In this way you are not attaching yourself to her and there is no misconception of exclusivity on her part. Always keep the lines of communication open by revisiting the parameters of the relationship when you feel things may be taking a turn you’re not comfortable with. Opening up to others by networking can also help you to get further in touch with whom you are. Join some groups where everyone is “just hanging out”, then you are clear in your mind from having possibly given the impression that it is anything more.

The Dating Mechanic

I want to hear from you! To submit a dating question for the column, email me at info@alashabennett.com