I would like to say that Part 1 was such an enormous success that doing Part 2 is a no-brainer. I would like to say that, but I can’t. I am on this honesty trip and I do hope it derails soon so I can go back to lying like a rug. 

Or like a politician. Why do people bother to become politicians? Everybody pretty much hates them. To me, it would be like wanting to go back to grade school so that the creepy kid Al could chase me down the hall and then pounce on me and knock the wind out of me. He’d then just leave me there so Loretta and Maddia could spit on me. Yes, I am going back as soon as I can. I just hope they are all sharing a cell with a politician. They deserve each other.

Why am I the only person in the universe who regularly attends a Zen meditation group where the teacher does not like me? I don’t snore during meditation (or any other time if you are keeping track), I have never kicked anyone while they were reaching Nirvana and I never questioned whether Buddha should be attending a Weight Watchers’ meeting. I am a really nice person who is just looking for two hours a week where she can slow down her breathing. What would Siddhārtha Gautama do?

I was walking out of a store recently and a woman walked past me and said, “love you.” I thought it was so nice and I said “love you, too.” And she looked at me as if I had carrots growing out of the top of my head. Next time that happens, I will just make the person a salad.

Neon green and pink are some of the hot colors for summer. I am not sure I want to be picked up by Google Earth unless there is dinner and dancing involved.

Arizona just passed a law (I know they are a bunch of jokesters…right?) that pregnancy starts two weeks before conception. Yes, I know. Please read it again. That would make my birthday May 15th which means I would not be a Gemini. So I want to ask Arizona’s Republican Governor Jan Brewer – what am I supposed to do with all my other personalities? They are waiting for an answer before we all move to Europe because this is becoming a very hostile place for women.

This is the God’s honest truth. I got this email from Emily: I hope you are in atmosphere of peace and love. It was very great to me when i found your contact in my searching for a responsible and reliable person to have a good friendship with and I found a great spark in my heart despite that I have not seen you in person, but there was a feeling that really gave me a nice pleasure to communicate with you and see how the sun will shines like, I am looking for someone who is comfortable around children.

Dear Emily, I hate kids. The sun has gone in and my check for $10,000 would bounce. All my best, The peace and love bitch.
 

 

 

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