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Alasha, referred to lovingly as The Dating Mechani... Read more


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Once Mine, Always Mine!
06/12/12

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Alasha,

My daughter’s mother has an issue with my new lady friend. We do not have set custody and lately any time I want my daughter to spend the night at my home her mom thinks of a reason why my daughter can’t. My daughter and I are very close and it breaks my heart when she wants to spend the night but is not allowed. I understand that my ex may be upset because I live with someone new but that should not have any bearings on my relationship with my daughter. I try to keep the peace as much as possible and don’t create arguments unnecessarily. Do you have any suggestions about how I can fix this situation so I am not missing out on my daughter’s life?

Tony

When a couple parts they both have to face the reality their relationship will never be the same. Men and women, like some of our most loyal pets are known to be territorial. There is a strong desire when we have lost something that we feel was ours (and that someone else now has) to return to the days of the terrible twos where, “Everything is mine and will always be mine, no matter if I don’t want it anymore”.

You may be right on the money here. Your ex may feel intimidated, frustrated even territorial. Adults find it hard to move past hurtful situations at times and may lash out in order to deal with their feelings but I urge you to take a look at this from another angle.

Imagine a world where exes can live harmoniously, where your ex is strictly looking out for the best interest of the care of your daughter. What if she is more uncomfortable with the fact that you are introducing someone new into your daughter’s life that may not be a continual part of her life rather then another woman taking her place? She may be wondering how the relationship between you, your daughter, and your new Lady Friend will affect your daughter.

Both parents should have a healthy and solid relationships with their kids. Ask the mother to speak in private where the two of you can sit down and discuss what issues may be blocking the continuation of a loving relationship between you and your daughter. Set some parameters and come to a reasonable solution in the interest of the well being of the daughter you must raise together.

The Dating Mechanic

 

I want to hear from you! To submit a dating question for the column, email me at info@alashabennett.com


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