RSSKay Van Hoesen

Founder of Here Women Talk. Owner of Certifax Appr... Read more


Stacie-feature

RIP Stacie ~ HWT Member Murdered by Boyfriend
01/26/12

Vote for this Post (43 votes)

Do you know Stacie DeSantis-Dorego from Johnston, Rhode Island?

She’s as cute as a button. Tiny (about 5’ tall), dark hair, beautiful skin, Italian descent, former business owner, aspiring writer, 39-year-old loving mother to Mackenzie, 14; Jake, 5; and Lily, 3 (whom she called “my baby”).

Left-to-Right: Mackenzie, 14; Jake, 5; Lily, 3

Stacie joined Here Women Talk October 2, 2011. We always ask new members to tell us something about themselves. This is what Stacie wrote:

I Write Short Stories and Quotes..My Outlook on Life’s obstacles and greatness..My children are my soul…

I am divorced and a former business owner…SalonEmbellish…

Dealing with my own personal pain, trying to see a light at the end of this struggle…

Since joining HWT, Stacie actively posted in forums, joined groups, and added more than a dozen blogs. To me, a common theme of sadness pervaded her posts. Stacie wrote about social injustice, bullying of kids, children who were victims of horrific crime, suicide, loss of friendships.

Occasionally her posts contained her own original inspirational ideas, as if she were trying to convince herself. Here’s one she titled “~Seize the Day~” (Stacie loved using the tilde ~ ):

~Seize the Day~

Instead Of Sitting Around Looking Down On Tomorrow,You Have to Let Your Feet Off The Ground…

The Time Is Now…Just Let It Go…

There Is A Whole World Out There, Waiting To Be Explored…

I Know What Is In You And It’s Out There…

Get Rid Of All Your Regrets, Even If It’s Just A Night…

How Are You Going To Walk Ahead  If  You  Keep Living Blind…

Everytime You Look Back You Are Missing An Opportunity That Lies Ahead…

If It’s Good, It Is Wonderful…

If It’s Bad, It Is Experience…

The First Step Is The Hardest, You Can Make It. You Just Have To Go Ahead And Take It…

It’s Time For You To Seize The Day…

I knew Stacie was troubled. I knew she had problems. I knew she was suffering. But I’ll never know how bad it really was. None of us can ever know what her life was really like. And now we can never ask her because she’s gone. Sunday night she was stabbed to death by her boyfriend, the father of her two youngest children. The details of her murder are gruesome, so I won’t elaborate, but you can learn more here.

We can never know what goes on behind closed doors, what demons people face, and the hardships they endure. Clearly, Stacie was a victim of ongoing abuse. (If you’re a victim or know someone who is, I urge you to visit DocumentTheAbuse.com.) So let this be a reminder to all of us to open our hearts and minds, not be too quick to judge others, and offer a smile or friendly hello to everyone. Because you never know what hell they might be suffering.

And now I offer this video which seems appropriate given the few details I know about Stacie’s life. She felt moved by this video, writing, “Oh my, this video is unbelievable … I went threw more than one hanky…what a wonderful video…”

~~~Here’s to you, Stacie. May you rest in peace. I hope you have found the light you were looking for.~~~

.Update: The Johnston Fire Department is collecting donations for Lily and Jake and has released this statement

Johnston Fire Department
c/o The Dorego Children
1520 Atwood Avenue
Johnston, RI 02919
401-351-1600

Call to Action: If you have been touched by abuse, click HERE. There is something empowering and healing about sharing your story. It helps others to share theirs.

A post with more details (click here) added by HereWomenTalk member Shirley Graham.

February 5: Family posted obituary.


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33 Responses to this article

Laverene March 30, 2012 Reply

Stacie and I had been best friends since the age of five. We had been through everything together. In 2004 we lost contact with each other. I always worried and wondered about how she was. I Googled her name one day and there she was. I was so excited to see all the beautiful things she was writing about. After eight long years I needed to talk to my friend.
I emailed her hoping she would respond back to me. She did, that night. I called her and it was like no time had passed at all. Our bond of friendship was still as strong as ever.
Stacie had issues she was working through, I was trying to help her with the ones I could. I had no idea about what was really going on. I don’t think she was ready to tell me that part of it yet. I wish I had more time with her, we only reconnected two weeks before her death. I thank God for those two weeks and cherish them! I miss her so much, I feel like I got my sister back and now she has been taken away from me again. I meet Lily and Jake and they were calling me Auntie, I loved it. I grew so fond of them so quickly. How couldn’t you, they are so adorable. I miss Stacie so much, none off it is fair. Most of all for the three children.

Donald Greenslit was indicted March 29th on four counts in connection with Stacie’s murder. He is due back in court on April 19th. May he rot in prision for the rest of his worthless life!

~ RIP Stacie, you are gone but will never be forgotten ~

kay March 31, 2012 Reply

Thank you for sharing that with us. We never REALLY knows what goes on behind closed doors and inside someone’s mind. Only the person who’s living that life really knows. My heart goes out to her family and friends like you. She was lucky to have your friendship, and I’m sure you brought her joy the last two weeks of her life.

lori February 6, 2012 Reply

It breaks my heart to see another woman murdered by a person who is supposed to love and protect her. I have worked in the DV movement on and off for 30 years and what people do not understand is that leaving/ending a relationship is the most dangerous time for a woman, as is his release from jail. Men who have stalked previously are also extremely dangerous. Society is not protecting domestic violence victims, in fact, we are going backwards, and as a result, DV victims are going back to abusers at alarming rates, giving up because they are not given resources to stay away. Sorry I sound preachy.
I wrote a book, Freedom From Abuse, Finding Yourself Again and I have a web-page where you can purchase the book and it will go to YOUR local shelter, for only $18. Here is the link if you would like to do something to help other women http://transcendingdivorce.com/Freedom-abuse.html
Lori Rubenstein

Kate Burke February 7, 2012 Reply

Lori, many thanks for the comments and the help thats been done :-) Yes, its critical to be free as soon as possible, and stay away with safety. The Sedona Method http://www.sedona.com which Ive used to release any unwanted feeling, thought, belief, sensation, image or whole story…for an opening and clearing to what is beyond all of that..and in my experince that can be let go of, it really can, eventhough its up to each person to discover if thats the truth for them through applying the resource. The beauty and most critical point is releasing the feelings with The Sedona Method which allows one to ‘see’ and have the clear truth of “what is” in that very moment and to naturally take the appropriate safe steps with out ‘holding back’ (letting go-releasing- is the opposite of holding on, which is ‘limiting’.) Whats needed is already within, releasing what covers it, allows for uncovering to reality and clarity. The truth of who you are beneath the surface , when fully released knows what love is and what it is not,…..The Sedona Method allows you to discover it gently from within, it is not an intellectual tool. You can use it as self help, but coaching is great and live retreats “the best”. Ultimately the aim is safe, harm free and mutual relationships right here, right now. What can be done in the next 24hrs towards having that ? In my experience it is possible to have that peacefulness from the inside out. “Let freedom reign” beyond the external control. May many blessings be with you always..RAINN is also a great support and safety resource. Education also at http://www.freedomindcoachingsedonamethod.com Just some suggestions.

Lori February 7, 2012

I agree Kate and in fact, I use the sedona method from time to time with my own clients!

Kate February 1, 2012 Reply

There must be a way to clean up this up before it happens…sometimes it feels as though we have to remain silent about past sexual trauma especially when it was a known media figure…worshiped by many including children teens parents and young naive adults such as me at that time. Perhaps it’s because the perpetrator was never stood down to the best of my knowledge…when reported, some years later. I’ve ventured over to the USA for some superb resources for recovering and healing…many thanks:-) it has not been easy remaining living in this country…yet an exceptional resource has allowed that to free up immensely….in hindsight it would be better to move now…yet funds do not permit at present…which doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the very near future. Please please please look up this resource even if not in a traumatic relationship, and more so if you are. It allowed me to understand all about emotions and why they exist now. It allowed for an awareness that’s clear and not covered over by emotions such as fear..to naturally do what is wanted, rather than coming from sheer will power. It uncovered plenty of laughter, the most laughter I’ve ever had in the whole 50 yrs which I also learned nobody puts laughter in there…it’s already there…ready to come forth. Noticing the inner peacefulness once the laughter subsides is a key too. It’s much clear and freer then…a serene presence of inner awareness, beyond mind thinking spin. The Sedona Method is the resource http://www.Sedona.com there’s lots of simple releases ….especially for what lies beneath. Live seminars are great too with whatever else is done, there’s coaching and you can study it on your own first, that’s where I began to learn so much and from there went to the retreats. A friend told me she was a free momma having taken the Sedona Method retreat. She was in a controlling relationship and is now free. I can coach in it too now. I’m sorry that a solution did not get to Stacie earlier …may we now do whatever it takes to get the resources and help before any involvement….by knowing who and what we are from an internal, not just external experience through the resources available. I know so much more about the emotion of love and what it is that is aware of love, than I have in 50 yrs of living….please don’t wait 50 yrs to uncover and discover that from within….blessings to the beautiful hearts opening to the truth of who they really are….beyond any external control what so ever…..amen and awoken !!!

Mike S January 31, 2012 Reply

This is a common accurance now days with spineless men who can’t accept rejection. Send that chicken s—t SOB to the electric chair at half current for about a month then kill him. Sorry for the rant but he deserves no better than he gave. My thoughts and prayers go to the children that will be tormented by this for all their lives and to the family and friends that loved her. She will be missed by all.

Steven Hulbert January 30, 2012 Reply

Read the story on Stacie’s murder. This was a travesty from the beginning. Greenslit (what a name!) was already on probation for prior domestic violence so LE dropped the ball completely on that problem. I didn’t see the charge of Mayhem against him (when you dismember someone that’s what its called). Self defense? REALLY? He’s over 6 ft and she’s petite, his lawyer is really grasping at straws. This man should not have been on the street to begin with and the State of Rhode Island justice system is a joke.

Vicki Siedow January 30, 2012 Reply

Even after everything I’ve seen in my work, this is a horrific crime. From what I’ve seen of this crime so far, she did take steps to protect herself and report the abuse. I only wish she had reached out more, especially to Susan Murphy Milano and Delilah. I hope very much that anyone else in HWT who has problems will realize that there are a ton of wonderful resources here, and that we will help. Please make yourselves known, if only to Kay, so we can find help for you.

Remember what happened a little over a year ago when a young trafficking victim reached out to Dottie Laster because of her “Trafficked” show? That girl is safe today and well on her way to a new life. We speak or text nearly daily. Please speak up and we will find help.

Donna R. Gore January 30, 2012 Reply

This event saddens and angers me beyond belief! Not only do we not know the extent of people’s pain and suffering, but to die in such an inhumane way- stabbing, dismembering and burning…and exposing the young children to all of this! This reminds me of the suffering experienced by the William Petit, Jr. family…. HWT cannot fix anyone’s problems, but they can embrace all those who have an interest… and Kay does so with compassion and an open mind and heart.

I feel as advocates, we must try to offer much more than a smile or hello. If you suspect trouble such as intimate partner violence, take a risk..reach out to that person more than once…. offer to help connect them with SMM, download the material, whatever it takes to be a friend. The children are the true victims, as they will forever suffer this trauma. There must be foundations to serve the lost soul kids of such crimes… Where are they? Why aren’t we hearing about them??
Donna “Ladyjustice”

kay January 30, 2012 Reply

I agree wholeheartedly, Donna. If you suspect anything, take a chance and get involved. We’ve just posted another blog asking others to share their stories and the resources they know: http://herewomentalk.com/slaughter-of-stacie-call-to-action

Lisa Thomas January 29, 2012 Reply

My heart is so saddened by this news. I spoke with Stacie via email several times, we had much in common. I pray that she has been delivered into the marvelous light and that God will protect her children, lifting the terrible memories and the ability to discover peace. I also pray that out of this terrible tragedy comes a powerful testimony of urgency for those who are experiencing domestic violence. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO LIVE THIS WAY ~ ESPECIALLY CHILDREN!!!!

laurie mallette January 28, 2012 Reply

TO STACIE’S FAMILY …WORDS.COULD NEVER EXPRESS TO YOU HOW SORRY I AM TO SEE YOUR FAMILY GO THROUGH THIS BUT I HAVE TO SAY JAMIE YOU WERE ALWAYS A GOOD SISTER AND STILL WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH YOU JUST GET TOUGHER

laurie mallette January 28, 2012 Reply

I shall pray every day for your family and your beautiful children. They look so much like you .I haven’nt seen you in yrs. and you were just as beautiful mow as you were at 10 yrs. old. and when you were about 15 I remember thinking when you would walk home from school alway’s looking at the ground because you were so shy ….even then you had no idea how beautiful you were!! I cry evwery time I think of the pain you felt and the abuse that you had to hide how awful it must have been but I know jesus loves you more then you would ever had imagined so I KNOW YOU ARE AT PEACE AND WATCHING OVER YOUR CHILDREN , YOU WERE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON AND WILL BE REMEMBERED MY FRIEND,,, R .I. P. <3<3<3

Alessandra January 27, 2012 Reply

Devastating… truly. I’m at a loss of what to write so instead I send her children such love and safety… and a boost to all those other women out there who are in abusive relationships. I truly hope they will find the courage and love for themselves to get out.
xo Alessandra

bobbie January 27, 2012 Reply

I’m floored by this article. I know that her soul is already looking out for her children. We hear about this type of occurrence, but when we read it about someone who was a contribution to this site it kind of hits ya between the eyes. The one positive that I can see is that we can learn from this. We must commit to treating ourselves like the valuable contributions we are and nor allow ourselves to feel we need to placate troubled people who can harm us. I don’t know this case and perhaps there were no previous attempts to harm her, but some maltreatment is usually discovered. My prayers go to her children and family. I also pray that her assailant is able to be cured of his grave illness. I know we need to stop murderers and incarcerate them to keep others safe. Stop them we shall. At the same time, rather than hating them I pray for their cure.

Shirley January 27, 2012 Reply

The article says the children are with family while they recover. The sad thing is they will never recover from the loss of their mother. One who obviously adored and loved them unconditionally. They will learn to live with the hole in their heart and move on with their life but the loss will remain.

childhood friend of Stacie January 27, 2012 Reply

We who knew Stacie, remember her as a sweet girl, tiny,.never a mean word to say about anyone. She did not deserve to leave this world.in such a horrific manner, and I for.one will be in.the courtroom to see this s.o.b. sentenced to life in prison, which is only the beginning…..HE WILL.ACCOUNT FOR.HIS ACTIONS TO OUR GOD……AND THEN CAST INTO.HELL TO BURN FOR ETERNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! R.I.P. STACIE, MAY THE LORD HOLD THE HANDS OF.ALL.WHO.LOVED YOU DURING THIS TERRIBLE TIME OF.GRIEF AND PAIN!!

Tali January 27, 2012 Reply

I am so sorry to hear this news. Sending love to her children, family, and friends.

Diane Ferraro January 27, 2012 Reply

Oh Kay, I am so deeply sorry. This is the worst possible news. I was so fond of Stacie and her writing, and we connected by email at one point. She struck me as an incredible, dynamic person and an inspiration. This comes as a terrible shock, though thank you for sharing with such kindness and gentleness on behalf of all who came to know her here on Here Women Talk. What a tragedy.

ecassidy January 27, 2012 Reply

this has got to stop and I wish to hell that I had a solution. that poor woman – so much life ahead of her and some low life takes it away from her and her kids. there are so many of us who are dealing with murdered loved ones. In my family, we know who killed Kathy, but he is living among us. so, so upsetting to have to read something like this again. Maybe we at HWT can do something. We can write about it.

Tonya Sheridan January 27, 2012 Reply

Horrifying How anyone could do that to another human being is incomprehensible… and the mother of his children. My heart goes out to her children…so sad, it’s hard enough to deal with the loss of a parent but to lose their mommy in this brutal way is a living nightmare.

fae January 27, 2012 Reply

I never talked to her put I read her posts and always meant to friend her :(
There is a special place in hell for people like this “man”
may her family find peace.

susieq7275 January 26, 2012 Reply

I didn’t know of Stacie but this just breaks my heart. It aches for her and her precious children and her family. I pray to God that they did not witness their mother’s gruesome death. It’s enough that they’ve lost their mother to such violence. And yes, Vicki, we need to all stick together and support each other. I have no more words….RIP Stacie. ❤

susieq7275 January 26, 2012 Reply

From Lynda Lively Johnson

Joshua January 26, 2012 Reply

Beyond tragic… Truly, I am speechless. Her poor children, her poor soul. My hope is that she found solace here on HWT, and that it helped her find happiness, even a glimmer, until her tragic death. <3 with metta, JMP

My Inner Chick January 26, 2012 Reply

I am so so so sorry.
My heart aches….My heart hurts.
I am so tired of hearing these sad stories about domestic violence & MURDER.
So very sad….I cannot write anymore…

B. Henley January 26, 2012 Reply

I am greatly saddened….I wish I had gotten to know her better. I hope her family will care for the children.
Rest in Peace always.

B. Henley January 26, 2012 Reply

meant sadden…fingers not working correctly.

Vicki Childs January 26, 2012 Reply

I agree. I remember when she joined and she reached out to me as well. This is sickening and I hope her children will be well cared for. She was obviously looking for friends here and she did find supporting people. I wish we had known the extent of her issues so we could have helped more. I am very saddened by this. Let’s all stick together and support one another.

Christina E. Michell January 26, 2012 Reply

Oh my! I did not know Stacie. May she be at peace. May we be at peace and make certain we always, always meet each other in love.

Carol Baker January 26, 2012 Reply

I’m just sick about this. She was a kind soul who wrote to me often… I’m speechless. Can’t stop thinking of her children.

delilah January 26, 2012 Reply

I agree with you Carol. The children are so often left without resources to deal with this kind of life altering trauma. It’s just not fair to rob our world of beautiful souls and precious mothers.

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