Have you ever said or even just thought words about yourself that could put you in jail if you said them out loud to someone else? I have!
“Stupid! I’ll cut your throat open if you ever, ever eat all of your guests’ leftover cheesecake again! You idiot!” It sounds pretty ridiculous, but I remember those words actually going through my head.
When I’ve asked other people if they’ve ever spoken to themselves in that tone they all answered, “Yes!”
Have you ever said anything remotely like that to yourself? Have you ever just sat there silent, with thoughts like, “You’re such a loser; you can’t get anything right” flowing through your brain?  If you have, you’re not alone.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t assess your progress when you go for a goal. You must. That said, conduct your assessment in a way that helps you win — because you deserve to win! Don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t accomplishing what you set out to at the pace you wanted. It doesn’t mean you’re bad or a failure. It only means you may need to rethink and redesign some of the elements of your plan and make some new choices. So what? I doubt any (or few) great inventions or medical discoveries just happened to pop out on the first try!
“Negative Self-Talk” can become a habit. For me, it helps to simply acknowledge that I said the things to myself without beating myself up for having said them. When I do that, in time, the habit falls away.
This may not work for everyone, but it helps me.  I agree that it’s good to know the source of my negative self-talk and to tell myself those words aren’t true. I concur, positive affirmations make a difference. Also, though, when I greet my negative self-talk with “Oh hi; it’s you again,” the nasty words become less important. Give it a try. Then quickly turn around and continue your task or project. You’ll probably choose actions that help get it done.
When I can laugh at myself, I can usually stick with whatever it is that I want to accomplish. A good giggle always helps me carry on!
Remember to always SAY YES TO YOU!
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My columns deal with you loving yourself. I had a wonderful professor in college who said the biblical commandment that was most important for people actually living together on Earth was the second: Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Then he said, “If you look around you, I bet you’ll see that everyone loves their neighbor just the way they love themselves.” It took me until my 60s to realize what he meant and I got that when everyone loves him/herself we can have peace in our world.
To learn more about Bobbie or schedule a consultation, visit her at BobbieHorowitz.com.
Good advice! I found that your suggestion on how to handle negative self-talk works. Look forward to read your next column.
I read somewhere recently that 70% of the talking we do is to ourselves. How easy it is to resort to negative self-talk. I do it all the time. It probably started when we were children. I wonder when the cycle ends.
The cycle ends, I think, when we make a conscious decision to pay attention to our thoughts. Most of us aren’t even aware of all the self-bashing we do. Once aware, we can change it.
I’m beginning to think that most of the learning we need to do is unlearning. That will be a whole article. We’re born in the spirit of creation. We’re good. We can’t be anything but good. Fear gets into a loving parent’s heart and makes them feel like they have to teach us to take care of ourselves – and they were taught to teach us that to take care of ourselves we’d better not do this bad thing or that bad thing. We need brains to learn the joys of the universe rather than the problems that “could” occur. i have a feeling that if humans didn’t worry about those problems they probably never would have occurred in the first place. It’s great that we can notice we worry about them and say – aha! i don’t have to. Our minds won’t change overnight but if we remember to “accentuate the positive” and know we are good, in time our minds and the world will change.
Congratulations, Bobbie! I love your first column. And YES! I have said those horrible things to myself. But I like your suggestion … “Oh, HELLO! It’s you again!”
Looking forward to reading more from you.
Bless you, Kay. It’s hard to believe you’d ever had doubts about yourself. But, ya know? I’ve had people tell me they never thought I could have said negative things to myself! They should have lived in my head a while back.