The Soundtrack to Your Divorce: How Music Can Help During a Separation
Music is a powerful medium. It can trigger emotions and bring back memories, causing both laughter and tears. The power behind music is one of the reasons that it can be so useful during stressful times, such as when you are getting divorced. It can help you relive the good times, mull over the bad times and release emotions you’d otherwise bottle up. Music has the power to console you through all the stages of a divorce.
Transfer Your Emotions
Tracks such as Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Go Your Own Way’ or Alanis Morrisette’s ‘You Oughta Know’ have lyrics raw with emotion that you can transfer to your ex-partner, either with regret or anger depending on how you feel at the time of listening. That’s another of music’s effects: at different times it has different meanings and the lyrics deliver new messages.
Even the sound of the music, whether it’s soft and sensual or loud with a driving beat can help to channel the strong emotions felt during a divorce. Songs such as ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ by Joy Division or ‘Crown of Love’ by Arcade Fire provide a connection to the rest of humanity and prove that others have also felt the heartache of broken relationships and loves lost. While family law solicitors in Leeds and other cities can give you the practical advice and guidance you need, music helps to deal with the emotional side of divorce.
It’s easy to feel disconnected and lonely when what was once loving and comfortable suddenly becomes alien and hostile. In such times, music is a lifeline, providing a safe and personal channel to release all the negative emotions and start building a new life.
Understanding and Accepting Painful Emotions Divorce takes us through the range of emotions, from blaming ourselves to blaming our partners. Songs such as Bon Iver’s ‘Skinny Love’ run the gamut with us, lurching from regret to blame in a heartbeat. Music can put difficult feelings into words and pin down feelings that are otherwise impossible to express.
One of the most confusing and stressful aspects of getting divorced is feeling the conflicting emotions of defiance and longing. One moment there’s no doubt you’ll find someone else and all will be well and the next moment regret and heartbreak overwhelm the positive. Boyoncé’s ‘Irreplaceable’ and Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ both express these conflicting emotions, so listening to music like this is reassuring. Others have walked the same rocky road. It’s all right to grieve and it’s also all right to look forward to the new, independent life that’s opening up.
An inevitable part of the divorce process is accepting that nothing can be done to change the situation. The moment of reality hits and at that time songs such as ‘Don’t Speak’ by No Doubt and the Smith’s ‘I Know It’s Over’ can help to cement the realisation and identify with the stress and painful feelings. Having words and sounds that describe the emotions helps you to have a good cry and eventually move on.
While it may seem as if happiness and strength will never return, eventually it does. And then a song such as ‘I Will Survive’ by Gloria Gaynor helps you to celebrate the new strength of purpose in your soul.