April is National Sexual Assault Awareness Month as well as National Child Abuse Awareness and Prevention Month. Although there is a strong push to raise awareness during April, attention to the epidemics is a year around event. Instead of posting statistics and quoting research, I thought I’d share a short creative writing exercise I wrote titled: “What does it feel like to be a survivor?” (of child sexual abuse).
What is it like to be a survivor of child abuse? How does a victim L-I-V-E after being in the heavy cauldron of verbal, emotional, mental, physical, psychological, religious, and sexual abuse? The steam of putrid abuse is so hot it burns the skin and melts the mind into a pile of lifeless ashes. How does a child teach him/herself to rise up and carry on after being sexually assaulted by family members or other trusted adults?
What if the mix of nature versus nurture or neglect is toxic, like poison boiling over, and the family that was supposed to protect her is spewing witch’s stews of evil? There is no life juice; to L-I-V-E daily in that environment is like drinking from a bottle with a skull and crossbones on it, taunting, teasing, tempting suicide as a remedy. She doesn’t live; she exists in a context where she is scared-to-death of the world at large.
Surviving means standing over the cauldron with a big stick of strength, stirring the pot despite the acrid fumes that choke the breath. It takes mighty courage to dredge up the heavy dark scum. Recovering means turning the brew upside down and inside out to see it for what it is: LIES! The ladle is heavy with betrayal and deceit. Stir the pot, sift through the garbage and discard the vile crud that drained your power!
When truth and clarity come into focus, your healing can begin. Take back your power by strainingyour truth from their lies.
Thriving means educating, empowering, and enlightening your S-E-L-F. You were designed to L-I-V-E. You were created to breathe in the fragrance of connection, to cultivate clarity of thought, to sow seeds of integrity, to reap relationships of L-O-V-E. To thrive means to embrace a love-of-life perspective.
The following poem I found on a rubber stamp! I don’t know who wrote it, but it speaks to the spirit of survivors.
I have laughed, lived, loved and lost.
I have cried, mourned, and grieved hoped, prayed and healed. I have found strength and true beauty.
Maggi, I’m sorry for the abuse you experienced. It really doesn’t matter how long ago it was. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. My counselor teaches me that time is not linear in the context of emotions. I too have felt tormented and trapped by triggers and flashbacks. They are so intrusive, then hard to let go of. I don’t know how one can let go for good, but for me it is possible to find joy and beauty in moments of time. I can only speak for myself that talk-therapy was and is my life-line. I wish you well!
B-Henley thank you for sharing your experience and letting me know you found something meaningful in the post. I too recognize that to begin connecting again (to our selves, with others) it often takes moments of conscious choice. And every step, no matter how momentary, is actually a momentous stretch toward strength!
Thank you!
Thank you so much for all of the information. As a survivor of sexual, mental and physical abuse, this gives me something to look forward too. It has been awhile since this happened but I still find myself bitter, angry, sad, and so many other emotions that I cannot describe. I try to forget but sometimes I get flashbacks and i get scared and I don’t know what to do. I then become bitter. I feel like I am sometimes trapped. I was wondering if anybody has any advice on how to let go for good so I can live a beautiful happy life? Thank you so much for your time.
Thank you for sharing, Lynn.
This line, in particular caught my eye late Sunday nite when I saw your post at fb–“She doesn’t live; she exists in a context where she is scared-to-death of the world at large.”
This was my life for years. Not being able to really share my truth left me in a state of true survival mode in many phases of my life. Thankfully, I somehow sowed seeds of integrity and pushed forward.
During the past year I found and continue find the courage (in small ways) to gain back the power I lost many years ago. Thanks to you and others I have stirred the pot which has allowed me to slowly remove their “garbage” and begin connecting again – sometimes in the simplest of ways to most, but for me they are joyful, monumental moments.
Thank you for sharing your strength!
“Beth”
Thank you, Lynn. Thank you for this powerful, empowering post. Congratulations on Surviving and Living and Loving. And thank you for sharing. It helps others. I hope you don’t mind. I added a feature image. We’ve featured your post on the homepage of http://www.HereWomenTalk.com and also on the HWT facebook page https://www.facebook.com/HereWomenTalk1