Have you ever contemplated suicide? I did this weekend.
This weekend I gave serious thought to doing myself in. I’ve thought about it before, but this weekend I even looked online for painless ways to kill myself.
I don’t have the guts to shoot myself, hang myself or jump off a tall building. I want to go painlessly.
So I looked for a combination of pills or drugs I could take to do myself in.
I guess I”m not the only one who thinks about it.
My first Googled search resulted in “The Ten Minute Suicide Guide” on Cracked.com, a post that’s had over 3 million views.
Oddly enough, it was written with a sense of humor. While I didn’t end up laughing, it did cause me to pause and think about options.
I’m not out of the woods, yet. Please don’t misinterpret this as a call for help. It’s not. Though I do find it therapeudic to talk about it.
You know, something that keeps crossing my mind is this common statement that we’ve all heard over and over. It goes like this: God will not give you more than you can handle.
That statement is total B.S. If that were true, nobody would ever kill themselves.
Have you ever contemplated killing yourself? How did you get past it?
Hi Jane,
Stopping in to say Hi. I hope you are happy and well.
Happy Holidays to you.
Jane says it helps her to talk about this topic. I think I’ve thought about suicide since I was in grade school. My father made one of his many attempts. I remember pondering the concept that an individual could kill oneself. I was 10 when I made my first attempt. I did not understand the concept of death. I wanted the pain to end. I was a freshman in college when my father succeeded, along with other family members. I was on the verge, on the edge, actually, over the cliff. I said that if I ever saved myself from myself, I would write about suicide because no one ever talked about it. How could anyone understand the feelings beneath the thoughts? Like Beth, it took me 30 years to tell a story. Please bear with me, I am not plugging my book, I am sharing my story of hope in Beyond the Tears, which often shoots to #1 on Kindle under the subject of suicide. The story opens with my suicide attempt at age 25. I believe in books as “bibliotherapy” self-help via reading. Here is a list of books on the subject that open lines of communication and understanding. As you can see Jane, you are not alone. http://www.amazon.com/Lynn-C-Tolson-recommends-books-about-suicide/lm/R11HDAZFI3L6XI/ref=cm_lm_byauthor_title_full
Boy i’ve been there and sometimes still am there. First. If you are serious, if you have a plan and it sounds like you could, call this number NOW, not in 10 minutes, not tomorrow. NOW.
1-800-273-8255. There are people there to help you. There are also three web sites i’ve found helpful. afsp.org, bringchange2mind.org (their FaceBook Page is especially helpful to talk with people) and nami.org.
Please go there. Now that you have posted here people are invested in making sure you survive. Honey we will be devastated if you don’t. So please call the number NOW! YOU. ARE. WORTH. IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks, Phyllis, for posting those contacts. Great info.
B-Henley, I forgot to mention that I do not like it either: the comment “God will not give you more than you can handle.” Nor do I like the statement: “That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I could have been stronger in character with OUT the experiences that murdered my spirit and nearly killed my physical existence on this planet. It took every ounce of “stronger” to resurrect my SELF. It’s easy to trust the wrong persons. I learned that a measure of healing is trust in our selves.
Thanks Lynn. I appreciate what you’ve said here.
It has taken me a day to accept/understand that yes, our spirits were murdered. I had never heard it put that way. All these years, I’ve never known how to describe how I felt inside. I just knew I had to keep moving forward. Thank you.
Hi Beth, thanks for the response. What I felt while trying to kill myself was “empty” “My inner self had already died. (from abuse) All that was left was a hollow outer shell.” I’m not suggesting that all suicidal thinking stems from abuse. I am merely sharing my experience, so others may not feel alone. I hope “Jane” comes back to tell us how she is doing, seeing that she is not the only one. Anyway, while writing and studying about suicide, I learned of the phrase “soul murder” and its concept from this book: http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Murder-Effects-Childhood-Deprivation/dp/0449905497/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1350926709&sr=1-1&keywords=soul+murder+shengold
Jane, I am sorry for the thoughts/feelings that are consuming you. And Kay, you’ve had more than your share of suicidal! And Fae, I’m glad you can think about loved ones. I write and talk openly about suicide now, my own attempts, my father’s completed suicide, and a brother. To talk about it increases awareness and decreases stigmas associated with maintaining the silence surrounding suicide. I learn to nourish the life force rather than embracing the death wish. It isn’t easy, but therapy has helped.
Lynn, so sorry to read about all the losses in your family and all you’ve been through. Your strength is encouraging to others.
Hi Jane,
I once went by the name of Jane Doe….for very different reasons, though.
Please know that you are not the only one who has a problem with the statement, “God will not give you more than you can handle.” Sometimes it’s about choices and sometimes we just have lousy luck, like finding ourselves in the wrong place at the wrong time or perhaps trusting the wrong person or there may be circumstances in general that are beyond our control.
Know there IS hope for a better tomorrow and if you’d like to talk/write there are people here who will listen.
Take care.
Beth
P.S. I think my email address will show in the notice you receive.
Jane, If you want to read about what B-Henley has overcome, her story is here: http://herewomentalk.com/after-3-decades-my-secret-told-surviving-a-different-kind-of-abuse-rescue
I’ve been there plenty and it sucks! It’s usually the thought of people who love me (I mean REALLY love me as in sit up with me all night while I’m a mess, would drag me back from hell if they could kind of love) and as selfish as I am I just can’t do that to them.
Hugs and love to you Jane- your not alone in this!
Fae, so glad you have people who love you and help pull you through. Thanks for sharing your encouragement.
Dear Jane,
Yes, I’ve been down that dark road. How did I get past it? One step at a time. My mother and grandmother took their own lives. My boyfriend attempted suicide when we lived together. After we broke up, he succeeded. My sister tried it. And I’ve been close. All I can tell you is there IS HOPE! Never give up HOPE! Just hang in there, and put one foot in front of the other. It won’t be continually uphill. You’ll have days when you slip. But just know it DOES GET BETTER.
Have you considered professional help? Speaking of my mother, she suffered post-partum depression. If only she had been given medication, she probably could have overcome the depression. Depression begets depression. Please consider seeing someone who you can talk to and perhaps even get anti-depressants from. Hang in there. Please stay in touch with us and let us know how you’re doing. If you find it therapuetic to talk about it, consider us your sounding board. Sending you love and light. xoxo ~Kay