This may not be about the use of the word “honest” we usually think of. Yet, it is about dishonesty. It’s about us being dishonest with ourselves and with our relationship with others. It’s more about us not saying NO, when in all honesty that’s what, deep down inside, we feel like saying. We may not even be aware it’s what we feel like saying.
Does this make any sense to you? We’ve spoken about saying NO to others so you can do what you need and want to do. However, this has yet another layer over it. In this case, you’re probably not even aware you’re saying YES to another person or situation at your own expense.
There are times that Saying Yes To You may require spending less time with certain friends who are negative and pull you down or to giving truthful but negative feedback to an employee. I didn’t realize how important this was until I was in my mid 60s. I would have spared myself a good deal of grief had I not hired and, certainly, not kept on a nefarious team of consultants. I now see that my not calling them on things they did that worried me – led to worry for me. However, because I believe that everything that happens in my life has a lesson for me in it, I picked up many pieces of very valuable information as a result of my hiring them. Of course, one would think that a graduate of the Cornell University College of Industrial and Labor Relations would have dealt with any concerns about this pair immediately upon meeting them. They did talk a good game and the references they presented to me were fine.
I, actually, can’t feel too sheepish. People I’ve spoken with would have gone along with most of the things this pair proposed. The biggest thing I learned was that people you contact for references, for a perspective employee, often lie. They’re not going to tell you the truth since they kept them on and they don’t want to appear foolish. A person who is coming to you for a job isn’t going to give you a name of a reference that they fear might say something less than favorable about them.
I now look at each choice I make and I get still and breathe deeply and concentrate on sweeping out any dust balls of thoughts I may be using to cover over my true feelings about what’s happening. I know that I want to be the “nice” person and I can fear that people won’t think I am if I tell them that I’m less than satisfied with their performance. But, guess what? I’m not only saying NO to me when I don’t tell the (negative) truth – I’m saying NO to them also? How do I know that my feedback may be just the thing that steers them in the right direction?
To sum up: – while it was hard to see that anything less than wonderful was going on in the heads of these “consultants”, after a while I felt uncomfortable with their work. I could have nipped it in the bud,
Not being truthful about your inner instincts after quietly and consciously looking at all sides if an issue quietly is really saying NO to YOU! Wouldn’t it be better to say “No!” to them? That way you’ll be saying, “Yes!” to you!!