Rush Limbaugh or the Hindenburg?

We are a country in crisis. Crumbling infrastructure. Mass unemployment. Wealth disparity like never before. Crushing poverty. Hunger. Schools closing. Cities going bankrupt. Forget all that.  Small potatoes to the GOP.  The burning crisis in America today?  Those damned women!  Thank goodness Conservatives have a spokesperson to give voice to their concerns – a voice never afraid to verbalize what the Right-Wing politicians can’t openly say in our Politically Correct society.

In the oxycontin-addled world according to Conservative talk radio host Rush Limbaugh, Sandra Fluke, the Georgetown Law Student who was denied a seat at Congressman Issa’s men-only hearing on women’s health issues (because what could a woman possibly know about women’s health?) is a slut, wants to be paid to have sex and all women wanting free insurance company provided birth control should be forced to videotape all sexual encounters and post them online for the viewing pleasure of the taxpaying public. You know, since taxpayers should get something out of the deal…

The Right has been squarely focused on the sex lives of American women for quite some time. It reached a fevered pitch over the last month or so with ridiculous legislation, Congressional hearings on women’s health taken over solely by men and an outright attack on women’s reproductive choices. Their rhetoric and legislation are aimed at abstinence only for women as a method of birth control. Of course, there will be no such restrictions for the men folk. They should feel free to continue to have as much sex as they like with no consequences for their actions – the responsibility for the result of this sex shall lie solely with women and women shall be provided no tools to control the aftermath. It’s a little like asking everyone to jump out of a plane at 30,000 feet, but only the men will be provided parachutes. Go ahead, ladies, jump.

Georgetown University Law student, and not a prostitute, Sandra Fluke

But back to the Gasbag, er, Rush. He called Sandra Fluke a slut and a prostitute for advocating that employers cover contraception in their health care plan. There was an immediate backlash. Did Rush apologize? Nope. He doubled down. The next day, he said he would happily buy Ms. Fluke and all of her whore friends at Georgetown all the aspirin they wanted to put between their knees in lieu of contraception. But Sandra Fluke’s Senate testimony was not about the fact that Georgetown University women were, as Rush put it, “having so much sex they’re going broke, so you and I should have to pay for their birth control”. Her testimony was about a friend who was forced to have a polycystic ovary removed because she could no longer afford the birth control pills that controlled the condition. Rush ended the sexist tirade this way: “So Miss Fluke and the rest of you feminazis, here’s the deal,” he said. “If we are going to pay for your contraceptives and thus pay for you to have sex, we want something. We want you to post the videos online so we can all watch.” Permit me to address the douchebaggery of that last paragraph.

First, we’re not talking about taxpayer-funded birth control. We’re talking about private insurance companies who want to pay for birth control because even the money machines that are American insurance companies know that preventing birth is way more economical than giving birth and having to insure yet another human being. Private insurance, Rush. That means the taxpayers are entitled to nothing, not even a voyeuristic sex tape for your entertainment. Second, birth control pills are used for an array of women’s health conditions that have nothing at all to do with preventing pregnancy. Third, it’s pretty clear Rush, you have absolutely no idea how birth control pills work. Now, I know you were detained not three years ago at the Palm Beach airport for possession of a Viagra prescription that was not in your name. I know that every time your want to load your lard ass on some poor girl and relieve yourself, you have to take one of those little blue pills to ease your erectile dysfunction because you can no longer get it up on your own. And I know that the number of times you want to attain an erection is dependent upon the number of little blue pills you consume, in between your doses of painkillers. The Pill doesn’t work that way, though. Women take one pill a day for 21 days (plus 7 days of sugar pills), regardless of the number of times they do or don’t have sex. That same dosage is required to stabilize hormone imbalances or treat polycystic ovary disease or a host of other maladies unique to women. That’s just the way it works, Rush. Even real prostitutes, who may service multiple sex partners a day take the same dosage as the Republican soccer mom in your gated community.

So yesterday, after losing multiple sponsors and fearing his show may ultimately go the way of Glenn Beck, Rush finally delivered what I can only loosely characterize as an apology:

“For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week. In this instance, I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation. I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke. I think it is absolutely absurd that during these very serious political times, we are discussing personal sexual recreational activities before members of Congress. I personally do not agree that American citizens should pay for these social activities. What happened to personal responsibility and accountability? Where do we draw the line? If this is accepted as the norm, what will follow? Will we be debating if taxpayers should pay for new sneakers for all students that are interested in running to keep fit? In my monologue, I posited that it is not our business whatsoever to know what is going on in anyone’s bedroom nor do I think it is a topic that should reach a Presidential level. My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices.”

Rush, you’re asking us not to take you seriously because, by your own admission, for over 20 years you have been nothing more than a carnival barker. For days, you repeated over and over that Ms. Fluke was a slut and that her parents would not be proud of her activities. You defamed her, called her character into question and now claim it wasn’t personal. You only think it’s absurd that we’re discussing “personal sexual recreational activities before members of Congress” when that wasn’t what Ms. Fluke was testifying about at all – not to mention you showed no such outrage at the all-male panel from which Ms. Fluke was originally barred from appearing. You lied about the American taxpayer footing the bill for women having all this sex, but share no outrage at the medication for erectile dysfunction that is paid for by the same health plans. You posited that it is not our business whatsoever to know what is going on in anyone’s bedroom? Really? Then why demand that all of us “slut feminazis” post online videos every time we have sex so you can watch? As for Ms. Fluke receiving a call of support from President Obama, well, you’re not pleased about that because you got served. When a young lady is so publicly pilloried by you in such a vile way, I’d say she needed a voice with more authority than yours to reassure her that none of what you said was true.

So, it was an attempt to be humorous, eh, Rush? You’re only sorry for the word choice and not the sentiment? Well, I’ve been known to tell a few knee-slappers of my own. I’d like to entertain my audience with the following clip. At first I thought it was the Hindenburg disaster – you know, Rush, the Nazi gasbag that went down in flames? Now I know it’s just the highlight reel from this weeks’ Rush Limbaugh Circus. Those hydrogen gasbags that kept it afloat are highly flammable. Can I light your cigar, Rush?

Oh, and on a final note, Rush… fuck you.

Carol Baker is a political writer, satirist, and co-host with Vicki Childs of our Here Women Talk weekly internet talk radio show called BROADSIDED. You can hear their show every Thursday at 11 am Eastern/10 Central/8 Pacific.