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memo

The Opinionated Bitch – Dear Conservatives, I Got the Memo
09/23/12

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It’s been a busy, busy week of messaging from the Right-wing this week and I want them to know, I got the memo: I’m a lazy whore who feels entitled to everything in life and take no personal responsibility for myself.  I get it.  Women can be so disgusting.

Vice-Presidential candidate Paul Ryan was a featured speaker at the Values Voters Summit and he talked about “The Makers” and “The Takers”, a subject we’ll delve into shortly.  The very good folks at Think Progress alerted me to another group at the Values Voters Summit who call themselves “Modesty Matters”.  They were passing out literature attacking women for being ‘immodest’ in church and told them to “go home and put some clothes on!”  The good folks at the Family Research Council (yes, the same FRC listed as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center) provided this group with table space at the conference to distribute this information.  The flyers and brochures stated, “Women must “embrace MODESTY in dress and behavior,” one of the handouts read. Women dressed immodestly in church are “an insult to a holy God,” another said.

-“Since men are particularly visual, immodesty in church can trigger lustful thoughts.”

-“My men’s bible study group talks frequently about controlling our lust, thoughts, and eyes. Yes the problem and responsibility are ours, but is it really reasonable for the women of the church to make it THIS difficult for us?”

- From the “True Woman Manifesto”: “All women, whether married of single, are to model femininity in their various relationships, by exhibiting a distinctive modesty, responsiveness, and gentleness of spirit.”

Sorry, fellas.   That was one memo I hadn’t yet received, but I hear you.  Yes, I’m an Atheist, but I do attend church once in a while with my better half, a devout Christian, when he asks.  I try to tone it down with the crotchless panties and see-through blouses in a house of worship, but I can’t see how a pantsuit, worn with a white blouse, appropriate undergarments and sensible shoes can get these guys worked up.  These are the same people screaming about the Muslims and yet, it would seem that anything less than a burqa is the ultimate turn on for these guys, so I’ve released The Opinionated Bitch 2012 Fall Fashion Guide for the Modest Christian Woman and I’m rolling it out here…

The "Spring" Burqa

 

The 'Autumn' Burqa

 

The 'Gardening' Burqa

The "Hunting" Burqa

The "Prom Night" Burqa

The "Power Suit" Burqa for the Professional Woman

The "I Feel Like Shit" Burqa

The "Wedding" Burqa

The "Funeral" Burqa Note: Doubles as the "Cocktail Party" Burqa version of a whore's "Little Black Dress"

The "First Date" Burqa

The "Patriot" Burqa

We call this one, the "Blue Skies on a Rainy Day" Burqa

So there you have it, ladies – a burqa for every occasion.  Of course, if we make the fashion faux pas of wearing the same outfit, one shouldn’t be surprised to find herself heading home after church services in the wrong car because, of course it wouldn’t be “Biblical” for us to actually, you know, speak.  I suppose adorning the burqa with some sort of jewelry to make one identifiable would be a bit whorish, so that’s out of the question, but I’m open to suggestions.

I’ve had enough fun at the expense of those idiots, so moving on…

There’s a word that’s been bandied around the American consciousness, the word “elitist”.  I understand that a command of the English language, along with a moderate ability to spell and use punctuation, a belief in science and respect for education has pretty much landed me in that category with my two college degrees to add further insult.  I believe Mother Jones redefined the word “elitist”.

The talk of the week has been the fully released tape of Willard Romney talking to his wealthy friends at a $50,000 a plate fund-raiser back in May.  A good portion of the nation has become incensed at the way Willard wrote off half of the nation as a bunch of mooching victims, unwilling to take personal responsibility for their lives.  Keep in mind, this is the same Willard Romney who called me “small minded” for talking about his tax returns, yet he shares no sense of small-mindedness for being obsessed with mine. The tape featured a wealthy group of people in the room whose words I found to be far more disconcerting than the words of the candidate.  Don’t get me wrong, I found his views to be as troubling as you and the Conservative spin machine thanked him for ‘telling the truth’ about the 47% not paying taxes.  Of course, he wasn’t telling the truth about 47% of Americans not paying taxes.  That’s been a favorite lie of the Right for a very long time.  47% of Americans may not pay Federal income tax, but that is not to say they don’t pay taxes.  Most of them pay payroll taxes and state taxes.  They all pay sales tax and that’s generally on every dime they earn that goes right out the door the minute they get it as a matter of survival.  In fact, most of the 47% pays a higher proportional tax rate as a percentage of earned income than most of the people in that room.  Most of the 47% make less money in one year than the people in that room paid for the privilege of that single meal and an audience with Willard Romney.  Worse, many of the people who were labeled as a bunch of worthless leeches are die-hard, red state Romney supporters in the Deep South.  Many of those people are active duty servicemen and servicewomen who are exempt from paying Federal taxes as a perk for laying their lives on the line every minute of every day, thousands of miles from home.  Many of those are seniors barely scraping by on a fixed income with Social Security as their only source of income – you know, “The Greatest Generation”?

In all fairness, I have no doubt Willard Romney is a good family man who loves his children and grandchildren and who may truly believe that what this country needs is a good leveraged buyout a la Bain Capital, but it was the other people in the room who I found to be far more disturbing.

You can read the full written transcript of that Q & A session here.  Read carefully the words of the obscenely rich donors who have paid $50,000 a plate to bend Willard’s ear.  Again, a gentle reminder they’ve paid more for one meal than the average American makes in a year as you read their comments.  They are, incredibly, whining to the candidate about how hard they work and how much they sacrifice in the name of amassing great wealth and how they’re tired of bearing such a burden while poor people are such a drag on society.  Honestly, it reminded me of the famous speech Jimmy Stewart, as the character George Bailey delivered to the Savings and Loan board in the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life”.  Willard Romney would play the part of Mr. Potter, made famous by Lionel Barrymore:

You see, those rich people at that $50,000 a plate Romney fundraiser have no interest in the ‘shared sacrifice’ of righting the ship they played a huge part in nearly sinking.  Their idea of shared sacrifice means they get our share of the rewards and we get their share of the sacrifice.  I jokingly told a friend that the idle rich will tell you, “I’ve whittled by Starbuck’s order down to 11 minutes, so don’t you dare talk to me about sacrifice!” When the people making these declarations have no intellectual or moral connection to the people doing most of the working and paying and living and the dying in this country, a room full of whiny rich people with a real sense of entitlement is what you should expect.

If you think your vote doesn’t matter, you should rent “It’s a Wonderful Life”.  What I’d like to see then would be a surreptitiously taped room full of George Bailey’s at a $0 a plate pot luck supper talking about life in the real America – your America.

It might not make for good T.V., but it would sure as hell be reality T.V.


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7 Responses to this article

vicki September 23, 2012 Reply

I’ll take the patriot burqa and the camo burqa please . Got to vote and hunt. I am providing the venison for the $5 /plate dinner for us normal folks.

CarolBaker September 23, 2012 Reply

You know, those things are CHEAP! Under $50. Not exactly practical in my line of work…

I’d do venison steaks. Loan me $5 bucks?

kay September 23, 2012 Reply

Another great post, Carol. From your tongue-in-cheek remarks about toning it down in church to your report about the $50-a-plate fundraiser and the Q&A. Excellent piece. Thanks for humoring me and informing me. God, I’ve missed you the last two weeks.

CarolBaker September 23, 2012 Reply

Sweetums, that’s $50 THOUSAND a plate. That’s what made it all the more obscene. One meal for more than the average American makes in a year… to trash Americans who don’t make $50,000 a year. There’s a certain symmetry to the stupidity in that.

Sorry about being gone for an extra week – victims like me have to make a living by working 70 hours a week to make ends meet sometimes. Not that I’m taking personal responsibility or anything…

kay September 23, 2012

Damn it. I read 50 THOUSAND and knew it was 50 THOUSAND. I don’t know why my fingers left off the zeros when I typed all that. Well, you may have worked 70 hours last week, but some people still think you’re a lazy whore.

carolbaker September 24, 2012

Well, Willard and his elitist friends certainly think I’m a lazy whore. Of course, if I was, I could at least do my best work on my back. As it is, I do my best work sitting up… writing… provoking…making people think further than where the mainstream media will take you. Um, can I interest you in a burqa?

CarolBaker September 23, 2012 Reply

And before someone decides to come here and bash me… respect is not a zero sum game. Just because I criticized the people in that room making those outrageous comments, it does not mean I think all rich people are assholes.

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