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Carol Baker is the co-host of "BROADSIDED" with th... Read more


alley-cat

The Opinionated Bitch – I Am A Sexual Suspect
08/26/12

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WANTED: Overweight, sexually active, single, childless, middle-aged snarky Liberal Atheist female with no criminal record, a valid voter’s registration card and a government issued I.D.  Suspected of the crime of independent cogent thought and logic, likely to vote Democratic.  Known to be smart and dangerous.  Armed with facts, statistics and a firm grasp of reality.  DO NOT APPROACH.  *If sighted, do not attempt to convert the suspect yourself.  Instead, contact your local Romney for President Headquarters.

Kyle-Ann Schriver, a regular blogger for “The American Thinker” (I’ll refrain from commenting on the cognitive dissonance in that title, given how little the writers on that site actually ‘think’) stated the following:

“Liberal women believe wholeheartedly in the idiotic social construct they call, “sexual liberation.” They pride themselves on losing their virginity, as though that “accomplishment” had ever been above the challenge-scale of an alley cat in heat.”

So she has, as a whole, reduced all women self-identifying as ‘Liberal’, to being whores with no ability to control our sexual urges beyond that of a hormonal feline.

Ann Coulter, the Conservative paragon of reasonable rhetoric *gag* *choke* made the following comment:

“I think it’s probably a good sign that Obama is so desperate just to get the base Democratic voter–stupid, single women–to vote for him. This is good news that he needs to lock up that part of the Democratic vote.”

Donald Trump said women may like President Barack Obama because they “don’t know him” and “don’t get what’s going on.” Just like Tras-Vaginal Bob in Virginia thinks we don’t know that we’re pregnant and Ron Paul doesn’t think we understand the definition of rape.

And because I believed in the local youth program, designed to keep kids off the streets, I offered to volunteer my time to a local church sponsoring the event.  A deacon of the church, wholly unaware of my religion beliefs, or lack thereof, flatly told me my services weren’t needed after having just stood in front of a crowd begging for adult volunteers.  When I asked him why I was not an acceptable supervisor of children:

“Because you’re not married and that means you don’t have a man to have dominion over you.  There’s something very wrong with a woman your age who isn’t married.”

Took a while to scrape my jaw off the ground after that one.

Paul Ryan, GOP Vice-Presidential nominee, told a reporter this week that he is such a staunch believer in the value of a human life, that regardless of the “method of conception”, a life is still a life.  He was, of course, referring to the entire rape flap of the previous week.  He was schooling women that rape is nothing more than an alternative form of conception… like in-vitro fertilization.  Rick Santorum, uber Conservative former Presidential hopeful called pregnancy resulting from rape a “gift from God” and Mike Huckabee, another radical social Conservative heralded the phenomenal people God gave to this world as a result of rape.  No one bothered to ask the women who endured these God-given phenomenal alternative forms of contraception what a goddamned awesome experience it was – because their opinions don’t matter.  In going back to one of my favorite films, Alice Walker’s “The Color Purple“, I feel like the female gender is Sofia and The Republican party is Miss Celie – who has advised her son to beat his wife to make her submissive.

There is a deeply entrenched, sociological belief that women are the physically, emotionally and intellectually weaker sex.  It was my long-held belief that at least in America we had broken down those antiquated thoughts in ways that were honest and mattered.   We were a country that understood the foolishness in wasting such a valuable resource as our women, and we made great strides in leveling the playing field to offer them opportunities never before seen anywhere in the world.  Those were heady times.

The single obvious difference between men and women is our ability to conceive and bear children.  Granting women autonomy over their bodies through the simple choice of when and if she would become a mother was the single most progressive decision for women this country has ever made.  For the first time in our nation’s history, women earned economic advantages never before enjoyed by our gender.  The ability to access effective birth control, meant we could expect not only go to college, but complete our degree without fear of interrupting our education because of an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy.  For the first time, we could reasonably battle gender bias in the workplace.  Employers often complained that women shouldn’t be considered for anything other than clerical positions because they just get pregnant and leave – but low-wage clerical workers are a dime a dozen.  Placing women in higher-paying management positions meant a waste of training and a real cost to companies, they argued.  The advent of reproductive choices blew a Grand Canyon sized hole in that argument, and for the first time, women were able to demonstrate just how valuable they could be to their employers.  No longer were we relegated to taking messages and fetching coffee for the ‘doers and thinkers’ of the American workplace because we became the doers and thinkers.  The public is buying into the rhetoric that this is about abortion, birth control and equal pay for equal work, so despised by the Far Right.  This is about economics and a return to male domination.  Those topics are merely the means by which they plan to gain such domination.

I chose to remain single because I tried the whole marriage thing, and didn’t like it.  I didn’t like being hit and I didn’t like being cheated on.  It didn’t turn me off from men. It turned me off from being legally tethered to men.  I didn’t actively choose to be childless, but in retrospect, I’m happy that’s the way it turned out.  Being childless and single at my age has its disadvantages, however.  It has made me a sexual suspect. Yes, I’m overweight.  I’m a foodie who spends too much time in front of a computer trying to consume mass volumes of information.  My brain is fat too.  I have short hair that makes me somehow “unfeminine” in the eyes of many.  I have short hair because it was practical growing up on the farm.  I’ve kept it short because life is short and I have better things to do with it than spend hours attempting to style my hair to make it pleasing to men.  I somehow missed the ‘shopping gene’ somewhere along the line too.  I was raised poor and raised with my brothers who were close in age.  I was hunting and climbing trees and racing through farm fields, completely unaware that girls were to behave in a certain way.  By the time I figured out I was supposed to be a size 2, have long hair, wear dresses and defer all matters of substance to my male counterparts, I had seen through the superficiality of such beliefs. At a young age I instinctively understood how sexualizing myself through outward appearance was detrimental to being taken seriously.  As a result, those who don’t know me, automatically assume that I am a Lesbian.  It continues to shock me that by not buying into society’s vision of femininity, I am automatically assumed to be gay.  Let them think it.   Being gay is perfectly natural.  Being ignorant is a choice.  I’m pleased that my better half recognized me for the woman I am and he assures me, he wouldn’t change a thing.  And that, dear readers, is why he gets lots and lots of sex.  Which brings me to the topic of women and their sexuality…

How far-Right Conservatives talk to Liberal women...

Remember Ms. Shriver from The American Stinker who thinks all Liberal women have the instincts and morals of feral cats?  Is it possible for a woman to be so ignorant about her own gender?  Can she really believe that Liberal women get so much more sex than Conservative women?  Can she really believe that Liberal women are so “in heat” in an animal-like way that we shouldn’t be considered human?  Are we really wired so very differently?  The logical response of course, is no.  I note that nowhere in her vast vapid screeds are there any indictments of men and their irresponsible use of the penis.  In fact, I don’t even see Liberals having that discussion.  So who then, are these Liberal women having all this alley cat sex with? Conservatives talk about ‘legitimate’, ‘honest’ and ‘forcible’ rape as a way of making rape seem like a mythological event while letting the men who commit this crime off the hook.  They wish to find every excuse to blame the woman for inappropriate behavior or immodest dress for getting raped while in the same breath, claiming there’s no excuse for rape *except that she was always asking for it. The Right wants to criminalize abortion.  They intend to imprison women for the crime of not wanting to be mothers.  They wish to grant complete Constitutional civil rights to microscopic cells while simultaneously stripping women of their own right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, not to mention their civil rights.  This reduces women to incubator status.  The bulk of the people living in poverty in this country are women and children.  Why?  Because the men who father these children aren’t being held to the same strict standards as the women who bear said children.  The ultimate in cognitive dissonance is the far-Right belief that by taking away a woman’s access to reproductive health services, birth control and abortion, women will just stop having all this non-procreative-outside-the-confines-of-marriage-alley-cat sex.

The mainstream Conservative message to women everywhere,

For a group of people so hung up on fearing Muslims, Conservatives sure want American women to dress like them.

is don’t have sex outside of the confines of marriage and don’t do it unless you want to have a child.  Sex for pleasure will not be tolerated.  Further, we will punish any women bearing a child outside of marriage.  We will punish any women not remaining in her marriage, regardless of the reason she wants out.  We will punish any woman for thinking she will not follow these rules.  We will leave you in abject poverty and we will make you suffer.  No welfare.  No food stamps.  No housing assistance.  Submit to and rely on a man or die – just like in the good old days, like back in the 1800’s.  All attempts to behave outside these parameters will be met with swift and harsh punishment.

I am a sexual suspect.  I will continue to have sex because I enjoy it.  I will continue to have sex because I have normal sexual urges no different from those of my Conservative female counterparts or my male counterparts of any political stripe.  I will continue to have sex because it is a healthy expression of love for a man to whom I am deeply and emotionally committed, and have been for nearly two decades.  Any and all attempts you make at criminalizing the most natural behavior a human can experience, merely by virtue of my gender, I will fight with vigor.  For every excuse you make for men to steal the right of a woman to control what happens to her physically, I will fight you.  For every lie you tell about women, I will refute it with truth.  I will never be a size 2.  I will never fit into the media machine’s dysmorphic representation of the perfect woman.  I will not defer my opinion to another person of any gender because my opinion is based on logic, reason and fact.  I will never again accept an America where I am ‘less than’.   Until such time the pendulum of reason, logic and fact again swings toward justice for women, I shall remain a sexual suspect.

Come after me.  I dare you.  And when you do, you’d better be armed with more than a trans-vaginal probe.


Carol Baker is a political writer, satirist, and co-host with Vicki Childs of our Here Women Talk weekly internet talk radio show called BROADSIDED. You can hear their show every Thursday at 11 am Eastern/10 Central/8

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8 Responses to this article

kay August 27, 2012 Reply

Dang, Carol. You sure know how to touch ALL my emotions AND tickle my funny bone. I can’t stop laughing! Another brilliant piece.

CarolBaker August 27, 2012 Reply

Next week: What America would look like if women ruled the world the way men do.

Mandatory prostate checks with the very same transvaginal probes to get Viagra and a serious talk about the murder of millions of foreskins every year at the hands of people who are killing this living tissue… I’ll give them something to think about.

kay August 28, 2012

You never fail to crack me up! Are you serious? Really? What America would look like if women ruled the way men do? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!

Vicki Childs August 27, 2012 Reply

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!!!

CarolBaker August 27, 2012 Reply

I am fed up – watch me push back.

Brian August 26, 2012 Reply

Please stop using the term “Conservative” when talking about these political and/or religious extremists. The World English Dictionary defines conservative as:
— adj
1. favouring the preservation of established customs, values, etc, and opposing innovation

These fascist radicals are doing NOTHING to preserve the customs and values of the Eisenhower-era republican platform. Anyone trying to adhere to that era’s platform would be attacked as being a liberal progressive by today’s GOP attack dogs. In fact, anyone trying to conform to Reagan’s platform would be considered leftist.

These are extremists, pushing an innovative ideological agenda that is a radical change from the “baseline” of classic American values.

NOTE: I am a registered Independent; always have been, always will be.

Take care,

Brian

carolbaker August 26, 2012 Reply

I’ll stop calling them Conservatives when they stop calling themselves Conservatives. However, your point is very well taken, Brian. They have no interest in preserving the status quo – they want to regress women back more than 100 years. You make a fair point.

Selina Alethia August 26, 2012 Reply

Carol, I love your spirit. I am going to share this on my FB because All women need to read your words. Thank you for not apologizing for being who you are. Rock On!

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