Fifty Shades of Red After Reading Fifty Shades of Grey
True confession time. I don’t think I turned red by reading this book – I just needed a title for my article.
And for the record, I have never held a job where the words” Mistress” or “Darkness” were part of my job title. I am just saying that the book surprised me a little, but it wasn’t about the sex. And just for the record, there was a lot of sex happening in this book. I started smoking again.
What surprised me about Fifty Shades of Grey, which I avoided reading until I found out Amazon would send the book in a plain envelope and that the mailman was on strict orders not to giggle and tell all my neighbors, is that it is a sad book instead of being just a sex book.
Ah, the things we buy in order to do research.
Without giving too much of the story-line away…wait a sec, are people really reading this for the story-line?
Well, I did find one between the dominant and the submissive.
Do I continue or do I go get my masters in sexology first? Oh, screw it. I am almost done.
One of the main characters is a very broken person. And it is really troubling to see how any form of abuse on a young, inexperienced mind can lead to distorted views about sex and love making. Now I am not saying that pushing the envelope pass “vanilla” or “missionary” is a bad thing. Oh, no, not me. Let me just grab a cigarette. I am all for people having great sex. In fact, I would hope the majority of people are having just that (but I think they aren’t and that is why this book is so popular), but love making and inflicting real pain on someone’s body and psyche should never mix. Mrs. Robinson – you should be ashamed of yourself.
And in Fifty Shades of Grey, sex, emotional scarring along with an unhealthy dose of physical pain on an innocent and confused player was easily uncovered in between the sheets.
Now I know I am only on book one and I am aware that my smoking addiction will be out of control by the time I get to book three, but I hope people reading this book will stop having sex for a minute and acknowledge that there is another story going on.
I doubt it.
So since this is my article, I figure I would mention my fantasy. Let me just put out my cigarette.
Before I go to that great “Oh, Baby, Baby” in the sky:
I would like to have a man come up and take me in his arms,
I would like the song, “Some Enchanted Evening” to be playing in the background. You can get it on Amazon – the new Broadway cast version with Paulo Szot handling the lead. Please buy it new – it’s only $12.21,
And I would like him not to step on my feet as we dance in a public place.
Fade to black.
Damn it. I am out of cigarettes.
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I’ve never smoked, now I think I’ll go buy a pack of cigs. Put next to the handcuffs and condoms by my bedside.
Reality is, my night stand holds only milkbones!
Your review made me laugh. I’ve thought about reading the book to perhaps learn how to spice up my own writing. My sex scene where the dog comes in and steals the underwear is as hot as it got in my book!
I am fascinated about how well this book has done. Universal bought the movie rights and USA Today listed the author in their ten most influential people list. That’s a little scary.
Well, no date in sight. To the drug store for batteries.
Barbara – it is always good to leave something to the imagination and I think I like your scene better! The author does seem stunned by her success and I have seen some women on TV going nuts over the book –what a sad thing to see. She is going to be quite rich, but at what price?
And get rid of the handcuffs – leave that to the amateurs.
I haven’t read the book yet, but I intend to. I’m planning to get it on my Nook. That way my children won’t get their mitts on it and start reading… can you imagine?
Tracey – perish the thought. my sisters give my mother books when they are done and then she passes them on to her nun friends. I don’t give my books away, but I am so tempted. 🙂 I’l let you all know how hell is.
I haven’t read the book yet but since so many people have read it and there are so many reviews about it, I don’t think I’ll be surprised by the sex or the plot. It sounds like the movie 9 1/2 weeks to me! S&M, broken girl, broken (abusive ) guy same old, same old. I agree with you on wanting eveybody to have an amazingly satisfactory sexual life full of big Os but, and here is the catch, with someone who does not fuck you up along the way.
As you have wisely pointed out, is not a just story about sex, it is really a story about abuse. See, I loved Mickey Rourke in 9 1/2 weeks and I’d love to recreate some of the scenes there, just not the ones when the guy pushes the girl to an emotional breakdown and makes her feel like crap.
Just saying Xx
Ah, my bloggergirl friend – beautiful put. I did cave in becasue of all the press and was quite shocked by all the abuse being sold as pleasure. I think some women may be waking up licking their wounds for taking this book to heart and to their bedrooms. xx
The older I get, and the more sensitive I become to the unyielding, damaging effects of child sexual abuse (my own and friends’), to the horror of rape (any unwanted sex is rape), and to the ever-present abusive marriage/relationship, the less tolerance I have for reading anything along these lines. What two consensual Adults choose to do in private is just fine…but I’ll pass on reading about it. As for the cold showers–proof positive that sex in general can have stimulating effects, regardless of whether or not it is appropriate. I could say more here, but I’ve already added a perhaps too-serious comment to your light-hearted and enjoyable review site!
Britton – than you so much for your inisght. As a child who was sexual abused, I hated the whole idea of this book. But wanting to see and read what has taken the world by storm,I caved and bought the book. I needed to bring up the abuse bcause this book has so much verbal and physical abuse running thru its pages. that ain’t sexy at all. Sending you a hug. xx
I’m reading it after having so many people rave to me about it. Haven’t gotten to the sex yet, and now don’t think I want to. S&M really creeps me out. And so far, Christian is the kind of guy that would make my skin crawl if I’d met him when I was a single woman “out there.” Can you say “red flags”? Great piece once again, Elizabeth and thanks for the chuckle!
Christian sounds like an old boss of mine who was very handsome but a total dick. Somehow that took all his charm and sexiness away. And he was quite abusive. If this was today, I would report his actions. None of us deserve that.
Hysterical review, Elizabeth. I haven’t the slightest bit of interest in reading this silly crap and it pains me to see it getting so much attention while worthy books and authors go unnoticed. We are truly a junk-food society. I fear the terrorists have one. 😉
I’m not into S&M, I don’t care how cool the author makes it sound. And I’d prefer to make my own money, than have some rich boyfriend buy me stuff, which essentially put someone in virtual handcuffs. One of the most satisfactory moments of my life was earlier this year, when I plunked down about 8K of my own hard-earned $ on my new Nissan Cube. Boo yah!
omg. Too funny. Whew. I’m not much of a reader, but this review might get me started again … and smoking again, too! Thanks for the giggles.
THANK YOU! It’s about time someone said it. All this hype about this series (as if it’s anything original — anyone remember 9 1/2 Weeks?) is downright mind-boggling. Women everywhere are reading this and thinking it’s tres chic to beat the shit out of someone. Um, S&M is a FETISH. It’s not mainstream. And God forbid this popular series should turn it into something “normal.” For the record, I’m buying stock in whips and chains. I bet the market is soaring.
Nicole – thanks but I bought up the rest of the chains and whips stock. I think sex and love or sex and like or sex and you’ll do nicely for now is the way to go. Keep the hardware in the garage..
“Mrs. Robinson – you should be ashamed of yourself.”
I agree, she’s a pediphile…
Elizabeth, this was an awesome review…Ummm, did you like the sex or not? How many cigarettes did you go thru?
Did I hear you say you’re going to be reading all 3 books!?
Yes, Chrisitan Grey is 50 shades of Fu#%ed up….take away the “pain, control, demeaning ass-hole attitude” and the sex would be quite good, don’t you think?
I think that’s what the reader REALLY wants….She wants him to CHANGE.
She wants the hot sex, but not all the other 25 shades!
You. Rock. Like. Gaga. Xx
Kim- they were imaginary cigarettes! The sex parts minus the pain were fine. this is not the type of book I normally read and I now know why- my watrer bill will be going up due to an increase in cold showers.
it was okay – I just felt more concern for the 2 main characters then I do for how often they got it on. Maybe I am just a wee bit jelaous. xx