Alasha,

I am dating a man who I just recently found out has terrible credit. He wears nice clothes, has a nice car, takes me to nice restaurants and has given me some pretty nice gifts. I thought his credit issues may have been from a previous marriage or perhaps an unfortunate circumstance such as a foreclosure of a home but neither is the issue. He has never been married or in a long term relationship. I really like this guy but I’m concerned about a possible future with someone who is careless with their finances, what should I do?

Jessie

Credit is an indicator of one’s character that’s why it is relied on so heavily by creditors. It is true there are circumstances one can encounter such as a major medical procedure, divorce, loss of a job or a hefty lawsuit that can cause an imbalance in their debt to income ratio. We all have unfortunate situations that happen in our lives that we must deal with, the key phrase being “Must Deal With”.

My concern here is the deeper issue that his credit reveals and that is his willingness to preserve his integrity and honor commitments in relationships he has chosen to be a part of. Does he treat all of his relationships in this manner? You say he has never been in a long term relationship; it is not farfetched to consider that his ability to effectively carry out a long term committed relationship is being manifested in other areas of his life such as his credit.

I can almost bet that he is more concerned with getting bailed out of situations instead of working it out and trying to make things right. Now would be the time to ask about past relationships and how they ended. Ask him, “If you saw your last girlfriend in a crowded room would you acknowledge her or would you spend the whole night avoiding her?” or “If you were in a room with all of your past girlfriends how many would you try to avoid?”

Let me be clear, this is not a pass for you to dismiss this guy. If you find out that he is making arrangements to pay his debts and he sincerely believes in and understands the importance of having acceptable credit you should consider that in your decision. Remember you are not the relief to his credit issues; he made the mess, let him do the honorable thing and clean it up! Letting him honor his obligations lets you know he will take that same approach concerning you.

The Dating Mechanic

 

I want to hear from you! To submit a dating question for the column, email me at info@alashabennett.com