I have been seeing a lady who has a child that is fairly young. I don’t have children of my own and am not sure if I ever want any. I think kids are a gift but I love my freedom to get up and go. She’s a real cool lady and I enjoy the time I spend with just her. I have not met her son but she talks about him a lot. I really like her but I’m not sure if I’m ready to be a step-parent. I want to continue seeing just her for now, is that so wrong?
Trying to Keep it Real
you are never wrong for knowing what you want. Be honest with the lady you are seeing but before you go off telling her what you’re not willing to be part of, ask her what she is looking for and what she desires to happen from the friendship you two share. You may be surprised to see she may not be headed in the direction you think she is going.
The most important thing for you to do is to find out why she is dating at this point in her life. Is it for companionship only where there would not be a need to include you in certain areas of her life or is she looking for someone with the goal of finding her perfect mate where an introduction between you and the child are inevitable.
What I don’t want you to do is jump too far ahead however I do want you to keep some realities in mind about some of the expectations any lady you decide to date with kids will eventually have of a long-term relationship.
Being a mother of two, I can confidently say a woman wants a man in her life long-term that is going to be a role model, who is committed to helping her care and guide her children responsibly and respectably. A man who is strong but vulnerable enough to love them both and who is not ashamed to say it, who has integrity and participates in the values he says he holds dear.
For your own personal development, knowing if you care to have kids is something you should take time to explore. If you find you desire to enjoy certain freedoms in your life, it is wise not to enter into a situation that makes you feel bound.
The Dating Mechanic
I want to hear from you! To submit a dating question for the column, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org