It’s Christmas time and at 26 years of age it ceases to be that special wonderful time of year that it used to be when I was very very small; now it’s just a pleasant if a tad bit depressing holiday. It’s the time of year where families get together and share their love of each other, unless of course you’re in my family. I’ve been out of my parents home for almost 6 years now and ever since I moved, ever since I learned I was adopted, I have been on my own for every holiday and birthday. Not so when it comes to my older siblings; my brother and sister get invited to my parents home, get daily/weekly phone calls, get interest shown in their lives. Growing up I never had a holiday that didn’t seem perfect (even though the rest of the year was pure hell). I never had a holiday or birthday that was not looked forward to with anticipation. I learned early to look forward to these days far more eagerly than most kids do because it meant peace and quiet, no one argued, no one cried, no one touched me. So it’s not very surprising that this new found abandonment hurts more then most people would ever guess, but not as bad as the utter disregard for my feelings revolving something else extremely important to me….finding my half siblings.
I am the youngest of 5, maybe 6 children who where all adopted out by my mother’s younger sister. I know only snippets of information, mostly gleaned by eavesdropping as soon as I was young enough to put a few pieces together. We all have different fathers so my own biological father has been and will be no help. What bothers me the most and hurts like hell is the absolute refusal of the people in my family to give me the information (such as age, father’s name) that may help me find the members of my family I know are out there. To quote my mother, “They’re all so much older than you, if they wanted to find you, they would have. They have their own lives and don’t care.” While this may be true, it just doesn’t add up in my head or my heart. People don’t always get told about their situation, and if they knew, there is no guarantee they know any information on where to look. To explain the feelings of emptiness and longing I have associated with this search is almost impossible. Being in a family where you look different, act, and think differently and then find out why and THEN find there are people out there that you may have a connection with but may never meet or talk to (or have the option of not talking to ) is a lonely feeling.
So to wrap this up I’m putting this out there. I want to find my siblings. I don’t have much money or information BUT if anyone reading this can help me or knows of a way to help me, please, PLEASE let me know.
Fae, it’s December 26, and we’ve survived another Christmas. I got through just fine, as I always do, because I make it a non-holiday. To me, it’s just another day. But I’ve got lots of years of experience under my belt. It wasn’t that easy when I was your age. How’d you do on Christmas day? Hope you’re well, at peace, and looking forward to a great 2012!
I only had a small yelling incident (lol at my turkey of all things) other wise my day was peaceful and quiet, thankfully (no family drama cuz none called)!!!! Hopefully the new year will bring some good news.
I hope your new year is wonderful and bright as you deserve it! 🙂
HUGS
Christmas is a very tough time of year. We see images and messages about loving families coming together, something everyone longs for, and many people don’t have that or are missing loved ones. There are more suicides around Christmas than any other time of the year. My own mother took her life right before Christmas, feeling depressed about her family member who had died. So for me, I have learned to desensitize myself at Christmas. I work hard at treating it like any other day. I avoid as much as possible the Christmas commercials and Christmas music. And, in fact, one of the best Christmases I ever had I spent alone, washing my car. It was a beautiful day here in Myrtle Beach, SC. The birds were singing. The sun was shining. It was close to 70 degrees. It was quiet outside. And I washed my car, happy to be by myself with no pressure from family or friends to be or do anything. Just me and a beautiful day.
That said, I do have an idea. Are you on facebook? I know people who have used facebook to search for lost loved ones and found them. That’s the first place I’d begin looking. Also, if you are on facebook, post this link and ask people for help or ideas. I’m guessing there are groups on facebook and Yahoo and AOL that focus on finding family members who have been adopted out. Maybe you can ask for help there, again, sharing this link.
I featured your post on the mail page of http://www.HereWomenTalk.com, hoping more people will see it. All featured posts require an image, so I found an anonymous family picture on google and used it. FYI, posts with featured photos attract more attention. If you want to learn how to post featured photos, you can find instructions at this link http://herewomentalk.com/how-to-post-a-blog
Kay, I’m so sorry for your loss! Loosing a family member to any circumstance is hard, but I think suicide is most likely the worse.
I do have a facebook account and have joined a few groups on there. Idk about posting the link on there, I have a lot of family on there and it would most likely cause an argument :(, though posting it on some of the adoption groups shouldn’t be an issue. Thank you 🙂
Thank you, Fae, for your thoughtful comments. Yes, when a family member commits suicide, surviving family members are typically haunted by “what-if” questions. Could I have done something better? What did I overlook? What kind of pain was my loved one suffering that I didn’t see?
Based upon some of your other posts, it sounds like ANYTHING you do will cause an argument in your family. Or should I say, sadly, it sounds like your family is terribly unsupportive, unloving and unhealthy, and no matter what you do, they’re going to try to control you and try to make you feel guilty. I hope some day you are surrounded by healthy, loving, supportive people and you feel free to be you.
It’s human nature to ask those questions and feel guilty over a suicide, in the end I think all a person can do is love the person and know it wasn’t your fault at all and thatyou probably made their lives at least a little brighter with that love.
Lol you are correct about the unsupportive, unhealthy, and controlling. As horrible and disturbing as it sounds when my mother had a stroke, I was very thankful she survived it but happy she had it because it changed her personality so drastically!!!!! (not drastically enough though) But now I have my fiance who adores me and a close bunch of friends who know almost everything about me and love me for me! And of course I now have the support of people from HWT 🙂