Anonymous Email Question:
“I was dating this guy from school and it was pretty serious until he started pressuring me and then yelling at me. He apologized but when it happened again, and it was worse, he grabbed my arm in anger and left a bruise. I broke up with him, but, I need to know how do I make sure he leaves me alone completely?”
In an average break-up moving on is hard. You have to deal with the emotional issues and work through them. In a Dating Violence relationship the break up is extra hard. You have to be completely straight with your abuser. In no uncertain terms, you have to end all communication. It might even be necessary to change your phone numbers, lock down all your social media (which you should already do), possibly block them as users or friends in Facebook, and ask friends and family to not talk about what you are doing with your abuser. Most abusers are persistent in their pursuit of the victim regardless of a breakup. It is important not to engage your abuser if you can avoid it. If the abuser continues to try to make contact with you and you keep responding vs. ignoring him/her after you state clearly that you are not interested, it only encourages the abuser to continue the harassing behavior.
Make sure they understand that you have a strong support system to help you. Be clear about not wanting to talk to the abuser. It might take time but hopefully they get the message. If this doesn’t work and the contact from the abuser happens more frequently, then you might need to escalate to professional help, via a DV advocate, counselor, doctor or possibly the police, by getting a no contact order.
Ending an abusive relationship is never easy. Ending contact with the abuser can be difficult but you have to stick to your resolve. Stop communicating with them or only communicate with them if you have to through a professional, like a counselor, lawyer, or advocate, if you must. Limit or end access the abusers access to your personal life by securing your social media, if you haven’t already. You might have to change phone numbers or block calls also. Ask your friends to avoid disclosing information about you via conversations or posts on Facebook to the abuser. Implement a support system that fits your needs and the degree of abuse you experienced. Advocates at the national hotline can help. 1-866-331-9474. Get educated about services in your area and make the best choices for your safety and well-being.
I am happy to answer questions from teens or adults.
Feel free to submit a question; email to: [email protected] and put “HWT Question” in the subject line. You may remain anonymous.
“It’s About Your Teen”
Susie Kroll specializes in speaking about Teen Dating Violence and Healthy & Safe Dating. She conducts workshops, keynotes, trainings, and seminars on issues specifically related to teens and their relationships. To schedule Susie for your next event, contactImaginePublicity, Phone: 843.808.0859, Email: [email protected]