If Jesus loves her so much, why doesn’t Kim Davis look… happier?

Jesus is Not On Trial

Aside from pointing and laughing on social media, I’ve remained largely silent on the subject of Kim Davis, the Rowan County, Kentucky Clerk who has turned herself into a media whore celebrity by discriminating against same-sex marriage and going to jail for directly defying a Federal judge who previously ordered her to do her job and comply with the law in issuing marriage licenses. And while I have no doubt her motives have more to do with financial gain and media attention and a lot less to do with her closely held religious beliefs, it’s her right to make a horse’s ass out of herself. Murica.

When former Arkansas Governor and doomed Presidential hopefuls like Mike Huckabee step up to tell obvious lies about the situation and hold rallies for the thrice-divorced Ms. Davis (public stoning is sanctioned in the Bible for this crime, regardless of how many times you’ve been ‘born’; Leviticus 20:10) as a media stunt and fund-raiser for the aforementioned doomed Presidential campaign, I take issue and will no longer remain silent. Let’s take a look at some of the comments Former Arkansas Governor and Brother Pastor Huckabee from The Holy Tabernacle of Our Lady of Forked Tongue has made:

First, you have to get past the scary music and the “FIGHT FOR FAITH” graphic to dig into Brother Pastor Huckabee’s dumbfuckery, but he starts with “It is unacceptable to put a person in jail – without bail – because she followed her conscience.”  Mikey, Mikey, Mikey… Kim Davis was not, I repeat, NOT put in jail for following her conscience. She was put in jail for directly defying a judge’s order to follow the law and do her job. Kimmy decided to thumb her nose at the judge and do as she damned well pleased and for that, she was hauled back to court to explain herself. Kim Davis has decided that SHE will decide what is legal and not legal. Kim Davis has decided SHE will decide what is moral and not moral. Kim Davis has decided SHE will decide which laws she will follow and not follow. And finally, Kim Davis has decided that SHE will decide which directives of a Federal Judge she will follow and not follow. When people who have broken the law are told by any judge, “Go forth and sin no more”, what they’re being given is a second chance. When people decide to metaphorically tell a judge to piss off, said judges tend to lose their sense of humor about it. It’s called Contempt of Court. Me not being a lawyer and all, I Googled the meaning of “Contempt of Court” and came up with the following: Contempt of court, often referred to simply as “contempt”, is the offense of being disobedient to or disrespectful towards a court of law and its officers in the form of behavior that opposes or defies authority, justice, and dignity of the court. I think that pretty much sums up her offense and all Fundamentalist Christian rhetoric aside, it’s a completely accurate description. The judge even gave her a second chance to “Go forth and sin no more”, but Kim being Kim, she’s steadfastly decided the judge could continue to piss off – so the judge being the judge, he decided that no one gets to disrespect the court in that way.

Now, the plaintiffs in this case specifically asked that Kimmy not be sent to jail because they knew it would result in the *cue reverb* Self-Martyrdom of Kim Davis. They asked that she be fined – heavily to encourage her to suffer financially. The judge decided that in this age of GoFundMe and other crowd-funding sites, it would be zero deterrent to Ms. Davis since others would simply take on that burden for her. As such, she was remanded into custody where she could dispense with her costume from the Warren Jeffs House of Modesty and trade it for a taxpayer subsidized orange jumpsuit.

As for Ms. Davis being held “indefinitely without bail”, I have a couple of keen observations on that particular piece of horse shit. Kim Davis is not being held indefinitely. As my dear friend and progressive talk radio host, Bob Kincaid observed: “Kim Davis holds the keys to her own jail cell”, meaning all she has to do is comply with the judge’s orders to do her job *all of it*, get back to her cushy $83,000 a year plus bennies tax-payer funded public service job and issue marriage licenses to everyone who should legally qualify – not according to Kim Davis, but according to the Supreme Court. As for the ‘being held without bail’ part of the livestock floor, let me explain a little about bail. Again, I refer to the infinite wisdom of my friends at Google: Bail is the amount of money defendants must post to be released from custody until their trial. Bail is not a fine. It is not supposed to be used as punishment. The purpose of bail is simply to ensure that defendants will appear for trial and all pretrial hearings for which they must be present. Kim Davis is not on trial. More importantly, Christianity in general and Jesus specifically are not on trial. Kim Davis can march her ample ass right on out of jail at her whim by merely following the judge’s orders and issuing marriage licenses to anyone who qualifies for one. She’s hugging her “Get Out Of Jail Free” card and chooses instead to make herself a martyr.

Now, Former Governor Brother Pastor Huckabee can claim all he wants that the Supreme Court is making up new laws, but that isn’t what happened either. The court held, in a 5-4 decision that marriage is a fundamental right guaranteed to same-sex couples by both the Due Process Claus and the Equal Protection Claus of the Fourteenth Amendment of the United States Constitution. In essence, they didn’t ‘redefine marriage’ so much as they clarified it. And for all the bitching the Teahadists do about the jackbooted thugs taking away the rights of the American people, one would think they’d be all for a court decision that granted more rights to Americans than ever before. Prior to that decision, 36 of our 50 states and the District of Columbia had already begun issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. In essence, the Fundies were losing this battle and were doing everything to figure out a way to toss a monkey-wrench into the gears of justice. Kim Davis isn’t a martyr – she’s a tool. Why do I say this? Because if Kim Davis were truly living by her convictions, she’d simply resign. Kim Davis ran for that job. She asked for that job. She knew when she asked for that job exactly what the job entailed – after all, it’s a job she’d essentially been doing under the reign of her mother who held that job for decades. And Kim Davis has employed her son in office too. Nice work if you can inherit it. The rules at my work change all the time and I don’t get to throw a fit and say I won’t do it because those weren’t the rules when I was hired. If I don’t follow the rules at work I can quit or be fired. Of course, Kim Davis is an elected official, so she’d have to be ousted by the legislature who won’t reconvene until January. To call a special session would burden the taxpayers in an unfair way. The complainants in this case decided not to wait for January either – so they took her ass to court where she lost – repeatedly.

Except… Jesus. Former Governor Brother Pastor Huckabee feels that a County Clerk can simply decide to act independently of the law based on her Jesus, so by jailing Kim Davis, this is nothing more than a case of religious persecution and essentially, Jesus is sharing Kim’s cell.

Look, I’ve got no problems with the Jesus from the book that’s sitting jimmy carteron my bookshelf. And while I personally believe no such person ever existed, I think the ideas of love and charity and brotherhood and forgiveness are noble ones. It’s the Republican Jesus with whom I take issue. Regardless of the fact that Kim Davis ran for office as a Democrat, I’ll remind you all that I was encouraged to run for my State Legislature as a Republican because that’s who was willing to fund my campaign. The (D) in front of her name is meaningless when you look at the political affiliation of those funding this hate campaign against same-sex couples. Non-partisan my ass, Brother Pastor Huckabee. If this were non-partisan, Former President Jimmy Carter would be in Kentucky standing right beside you. But Jimmy Carter isn’t standing beside you on this Brother Pastor Huckabee. When asked his opinion on Jesus and same-sex marriage, this Christian who follows the Jesus from my personal copy of the Bible said this: “I believe Jesus would approve gay marriage, but that’s just my own personal belief. I think Jesus would encourage any love affair if it was honest and sincere and was not damaging to anyone else, and I don’t see that gay marriage damages anyone else.”

I’ve been accused of being a hypocrite for mocking Kim Davis and Mike Huckabee’s Jesus while quoting Jimmy Carter’s Jesus but I’m okay with that. Kim Davis and Mike Huckabee would have you believe that Republican Jesus speaks directly to them and wants them to discriminate against homosexuals and break the law. Jimmy Carter bases his personal values on the writings of someone in a book, admitting that it’s his own personal belief and he does not deign to speak for Jesus, but feels comfortable saying that based on the unconditional love of the Jesus in his Bible. Based on my readings, I suspect President Carter is correct. If there really was such a man, that stance would fall in line far better with the teachings of the brown-skinned Palestinian Day Laborer Liberal Socialist Christ of the Bible we both read when compared with the hate-filled rants of White Republican Jesus who wastes space in Brother Pastor Snake-Oil Salesman Mike Huckabee’s and Kim Davis’s Bible. But that’s just me.

DES MOINES, IA - MARCH 07: U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) fields questions from Bruce Rastetter at the Iowa Ag Summit on March 7, 2015 in Des Moines, Iowa. The event allows the invited speakers, many of whom are potential 2016 Republican presidential hopefuls, to outline their views on agricultural issue. (Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images)Not to be outdone, Canadian-born Presidential hopeful, Rafael Eduardo Cruz, Mr. Haney’s doppleganger from ‘Green Acres’ (Or the more Muricanized ‘Ted’), said this to his lemmings: Today, judicial lawlessness crossed into judicial tyranny. Today, for the first time ever, the government arrested a Christian woman for living according to her faith. This is wrong. This is not America. There is just so much crazy on that train one doesn’t know exactly where to begin. Rafael tosses out little catch-phrases like “judicial lawlessness” and “Liberal Fascism” like a Reese’s Pieces trail for his band of alien thinkers because it’s been pretty effective, but I call bullshit on “judicial lawlessness”. Every time the Christian Right Wingnuts decide they don’t like something, they frame the argument that somehow, this black-robed band of marauders has broken into the Supreme Court building, gagged the real justices and started legislating from the bench in some Liberal plot to murder their Jesus.

Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 12.25.16 PMIt’s hard to point and laugh at the obvious fucktardary of Ted Cruz with so many people willing to be manipulated by him. The only respite I’ve received from this Christodrama in Three Acts has been the positively delightful response from social media. I can not strongly urge you enough to go to Twitter and check out the satirical Twitter feed of the blonde woman captured in all of the pictures of Kim Davis being cruel to same-sex couples at the Clerk’s office. It’s called @nexttoKimDavis and it’s so good for the soul – in a Jesus-y sort of way one can only imagine. Kim Davis supporters attempting to troll this piece of comedy genius have obviously met their match:
Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 12.32.41 PM… and it only get’s better from there. Here’s a little taste of the comedy stylings of @nexttoKimDavis





As the self-appointed spokesperson for Liberals and Atheists all across this great land of ours I would like to issue the following press release:

We, the Liberals and/or Atheists of Murica take no issue with Christianity as long as it remains in their church. We, the Liberal and/or Atheists of Murica take no issue with your Jesus as long as your bastardized version of the teachings of said Republican Jesus are not codified into law as a means of punishing people you don’t like. We, the Liberals and/or Atheists of Murica have no desire to murder anyone, much less a fictional character in a book. We’d feel the same way if someone came after Winnie The Pooh or The Little Princess. We, the Liberals and/or Atheists of Murica are not organized in any form or fashion as can be empirically proven in both of the last mid-term elections.

Lastly, We, the Liberals and/or Atheists of Murica are not interested in Kim Davis’s ‘faith’. We’re interested in her willingness to do her job. What she’s doing is no act of faith – it’s an abuse of power.

Jesus is not on trial. And neither is Kim Davis.


Carol Baker is a political writer & a frequent contributor to Here Women Talk.
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