Identity Thief

2013. 112 excruciating minutes. Staring Melissa McCarthy, Jason Batman and a cast of characters you just want to forget. Directed by Seth Gordon (your mother must be so proud) and the screenplay writer has changed his identity. Smart move on his part.

Mild-mannered businessman Sandy Patterson travels from Denver to Miami to confront the deceptively harmless-looking woman who has been living it up after stealing Sandy’s identity. (imdb)

elizabeth: So you might be able to tell how we are feeling about the movie from the intro to this post. Read it and save yourselves. It is too late for us.

This movie should have stayed a TV commercial because all the funny lines were summed up in thirty seconds…or less. What were any of them thinking? This was a train wreck (although a train wreck never made it into the movie –everything else did in this inane script) and I hope this was not a career killer for the two leading actors. But I am being naïve—the movie is bringing in the bucks.  Much to my chagrin.

Nicole: I hate when this happens. Take two likable, talented actors like Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy and pair them together only to waste the opportunity with a terrible script that would be better served lining bird cages than wasting celluloid (yes, yes. I know movies are digital now. I’m a purist. Sue me.)

I bet they are reading that they have been kicked out of SAG.

elizabeth: I am somewhat horrified that Hollywood thinks that portraying a strong woman means that she has to talk like Joe Pesci. I think Melissa McCarthy can be another strong comedic actress in the realms of a Lucille Ball, but she was crass and vulgar and that was a turn off to me. Don’t dumb yourself down. The world is crying for a truly funny movie. Nora Ephorn – we need you!

Nicole: We might part ways there, only because I think Melissa McCarthy might work blue and genuinely like doing so. Her Bridesmaids role was the epitome of crass and frankly one of the funniest comedic performances I’ve ever seen. I’m not opposed to crass humor or a cheap joke…if it’s funny. This movie, however, wasn’t funny. (Case in point: Mel Brooks’ campfire scene in Blazing Saddles. Crass? Yep. Gross? Sure. Funny? Hell yeah.)

elizabeth: Since I can’t even talk about this dreadful movie anymore, let me make a public plea to Melissa McCarthy: I think you need to demand the starring role in a comedic love story like When Harry Met Sally. You could really pull it off. Don’t let the fact that these roles go to size-3 actresses. I want to see you get the guy and live happily ever after on the big screen—right after me, that is.

Nicole: I agree. It’s sad that Hollywood relegates plus-sized women to “best friend” roles. And, when they are fortunate enough to get leading roles, they’re made to look ridiculous or pathetic. Times will change, and just maybe Melissa McCarthy’s obvious box office draw will send a message to Hollywood bigwigs to shake things up a bit.

The Film Fatales give Identity Thief

And we did not have to steal this.