I’m Tired! Physically tired because I’m mentally drained. Mentally drained because I am emotionally beat down. Plan and simple, I’m warn out! I am so fatigued that at the end of the day my Teeth actually hurt. I honestly can not remember the last time all was calm in my world.
I have been on this journey recently, trying to figure out what makes me happy. A journey I have started many times before but never completed. I’m a thirty eight year old woman trying to ‘find herself”. Trying to figure out what happy is and how to get it. Battling between what I want to do and what I know I need to do.
Now, in my head it sounds so stupid. ‘Trying to find myself‘.
When I was younger and someone told me they were ‘finding their self‘ I used to think, ‘Find Yourself?! You don’t know where the hell you are?!‘
I read something the other day. ‘Are You Sacred?‘ I really didn’t think much of the question at the time. Honestly, it sometimes take a little while for things to sink in. But, as things often do with me, at 4:00 in the morning some 4 days later, that question was the only thing on my mind. Am I sacred?
Sacred – Something that is held in high regards. Something beautiful and untarnished. A thing that is left undisturbed so as to be an Inspiration to others. Something loved and revered….worthy of respect or dedication.
I stood in front of the mirror, and asked myself the question. ‘Am I sacred?‘. My response to myself, ‘I AM SACRED!‘. Since I tend to show my true emotions with my eyes and my expressions I quickly realized that my mouth was saying one thing but my face was speaking the truth. Saying you are sacred is not the same as believing you are sacred.
I’m constantly running on some sort of metaphorical treadmill for reasons I really don’t understand just to do things I really could care less about. This is not sacred living. A broken spirit is not a sacred spirit.
If I truly am sacred and if I believe I am sacred, I need to honor what is sacred by investing in what is sacred. I need to invest in myself.
Sacredness is something which is venerated. Something whose worth is never diminished. Never depleted of its value.
I need to replenish my soul. Strengthen inside myself that which I weaken every day. I need to embrace my tears and see the beauty in my struggles. I need to stop being tired! Stop allowing the world to consume me and exhaust me of the gifts I have to offer! I need to be sacred!