As we work hard to defend our right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, we can all rest a little easier in the glow of a new ordinance, approved this week. Rest assured that our families are a little bit safer because in LA County as those caught throwing a Frisbee on the beach may be fined up to $1000. That was a close one. I, for one, can sleep a little easier.

I’m so glad to see my State, and even my Country, working in the right direction. Recently we’ve seen quite a few winners. Lets recap, shall we? Congress has threatened to put kids who download music in jail. Ooh—hey…bonus:  If we truly enforce removing all copyright violations, we might be able to get rid of the whole internet! Gee, imagine the possibilities…

Previously, government has considered the idea that maybe two people who love each other should not have the right to marry if they’re the same sex. That’s handy- I mean think of how bad all the heterosexual couples will feel when they realize their divorce rate is several times higher than their homosexual friends. Oh, and all those kids who might have been adopted by nice homosexual couples. They’re better off, I’m sure… I mean, think of the disappointment when they grow up to be teenagers and realize the internet doesn’t exist anymore.

Oh, here is some exciting news for people of all ages. Finally, they’ve reexamined that pesky crime- rape. You know the one that claims 250,000 (reported) victims each year. It’s cool. If we can just pass the proposed bill and make it so it only counts as rape if it’s “forcible” how awesome would our government look. Holla, guys! Glad to be able to share our new “guidelines” with you.  Now it doesn’t matter how many times she says no if she doesn’t try to beat you up. …You’re welcome.

My cup of freedom has runneth over, America. I mean, this is all so overwhelming to hear of these advances. I already benefit daily from a little gem called the UIGEA which has kept the Poker Newspaper I work at from being able to thrive in our ad-supported environment. Yeah, that’s a lot of fun.  Even more so for the millions who played online- back when the internet existed.

Words cannot express the sense of peace I feel living in America these days. And some of you thought that 2012 was the apocalypse. How silly. I mean, there may be some asteroid or something heading toward the Earth at an alarming rate, but hey, look at it this way- if we continue on an extremist path we’ll kill one another and the human race will die out way before we can be destroyed. Problem solved!

Until blogs are illegal,

Bonnie J. Sludikoff


*The previous blog is meant to be facetious in tone. However, every law/bill mentioned above is based on something that has been passed or considered. Be sure to vote in every election and always do your research beforehand.