Have you ever said or even just thought words about yourself that could put you in jail if you said them out loud to someone else?  I have!

“Stupid! I’ll cut your throat open if you ever, ever eat all of your guests’ leftover cheesecake again! You idiot!” It sounds pretty ridiculous, but I remember those words actually going through my head.

When I’ve asked other people if they’ve ever spoken to themselves in that tone they all answered, “Yes!”

Have you ever said anything remotely like that to yourself?  Have you ever just sat there silent, with thoughts like, “You’re such a loser; you can’t get anything right” flowing through your brain?   If you have, you’re not alone.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t assess your progress when you go for a goal. You must. That said, conduct your assessment in a way that helps you win — because you deserve to win! Don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t accomplishing what you set out to at the pace you wanted.  It doesn’t mean you’re bad or a failure. It only means you may need to rethink and redesign some of the elements of your plan and make some new choices. So what? I doubt any (or few) great inventions or medical discoveries just happened to pop out on the first try!

“Negative Self-Talk” can become a habit. For me, it helps to simply acknowledge that I said the things to myself without beating myself up for having said them. When I do that, in time, the habit falls away.

This may not work for everyone, but it helps me.  I agree that it’s good to know the source of my negative self-talk and to tell myself those words aren’t true. I concur, positive affirmations make a difference. Also, though, when I greet my negative self-talk with “Oh hi; it’s you again,” the nasty words become less important. Give it a try. Then quickly turn around and continue your task or project. You’ll probably choose actions that help get it done.

When I can laugh at myself, I can usually stick with whatever it is that I want to accomplish. A good giggle always helps me carry on!

Remember to always SAY YES TO YOU!


My columns deal with you loving yourself.  I had a wonderful professor in college who said the biblical commandment that was most important for people actually living together on Earth was the second: Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Then he said, “If you look around you, I bet you’ll see that everyone loves their neighbor just the way they love themselves.” It took me until my 60s to realize what he meant and I got that when everyone loves him/herself we can have peace in our world.

To learn more about Bobbie or schedule a consultation, visit her at BobbieHorowitz.com.