“The more of our self we own, the less need for enemies to embody our disowned darkness. Everything is welcomed by the soul.” Pat B. Allen.
People are carrying the dark parts of us? Who we call our enemies are really folks carrying our darkness, our disowned darkness. So if we OWN our own darkness, then we will no longer have enemies?
Darkness, what is darkness? They are carrying our darkness, what is that? How do you explain darkness to others, how can a child know what this darkness is?
If you showed a child an enemy of yours, what would they look like, speak like, act like? Here is my enemy?
How odd this all seems that our enemies are here to bring us a piece of ourselves we lost or disowned. That seems like a good thing, yet why are we so opposed?
Enemies are our friends. Then who are our friends? Enemies?
“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.” Martin Luther King Jr.
I think this is all interesting.
Can it be that silent friends can become our worst enemies?
“Enemies will embody our disowned darkness.”
I wonder, then, what friends embody. What is their role?
Disowned darkness is not that there isn’t darkness within us, there is, but we don’t want to own it and only our enemies are brave enough to show us where we are not!
Doesn’t this make sense, for I know that there are many times that I didn’t want to point out to a friend a dark spot along the way. And I have also experienced losing them when I did.
In the end I became the enemy that carried their darkness for them, I became dark and unfriendly, this is amazingly accurate when I look at it.
You become the message, not just the messenger.
Within my family I became the dark sheep. Hey, is that where the term came from? Anyway, I became the darkness for speaking the truth of what is.
If I was the enemy for speaking the truth, what were their friends telling them?
I am way confused on what being friend is now, for it sure seems backwards to me.
In my experience, being friendly AND being truthful isn’t seen as one and the same!
I literally remember being thrown back when they didn’t want to hear what I had to say! I was startled when I found myself standing against them as their enemies for speaking of reality.
It wasn’t that I was making up stories or telling them lies against what is, I was just standing in a spot and being a commentator of it. And I became worse then the actual crime.
Can a crime be owned or disowned? It surely seems that way. But whether you own it or not, will it still have happened?
When I arrive in front of my family, they see me as their enemy, I am the one who is the problem, me.
I used to say, “how in the hell am I the problem, me the ‘little girl’ in the molestation, I am the one who has issues, surely this is not right!”
I became the darkness, which is what so many little girls become. They become and are the ‘disowned darkness’.
We become the enemies of an otherwise beautiful kind world filled with sunshine and happy deeds, if only we would keep our mouths shut and our darkness to ourselves!
We carry their disowned darkness, we the little ones carry their loads for them.
In a letter my mother wrote to me on my birthday in 2004;
I have Beth’s core love as a daughter for her mother. I saw her as this beautiful small child. Blond hair chubby cheeks – sitting on the grass by the side of the house, a schoolgirl working very hard at home and at school a very good sincere child. Serious beyond her years. A young adult trying to keep the whole family marching along in line, reaching back to gather up the stragglers. Stepping up to carry part of the burden of my son’s handicap, to lightening the load for her mother…..
In some way I cannot understand with my limited knowledge some where along in her childhood she picked up all the stray, sick, mixed up emotions whirling around our family. All the emotions and ugly undercurrents I did not see or feel, she did. As a child she tried to make everything right. A hopeless task. The same way I tried to make our family close, loving etc by pasting on false fronts, making excuses for my husband, working harder taking all lacks myself to make the perfect mother perfect family. (Daughter) you can rest now. You no longer need to carry this unmanageable load. I grieve your 46 years but I cannot undo it. I no longer need your affirmation of your love. I have it deep inside of me. Nothing can remove it….. Forgive me so you can release your soul to soar among the angels. Always forever, Mom
I carried this letter around for a while, it seemed that my mother could see me, yet in the end it was her only seeing my love for her.
It was painfully clear that in order to have her love, I had to carry the load, put the load down, so goes the love.
Darkness is the only love she knows.