After 200 hours of watching coverage of Hurricane Irene I decided I needed a break from water, wind and Anderson Cooper. Btw, I was a little disappointed he wasn’t in his signature hurricane gear, a yellow rain slicker. I decided to finally pick up the clicker and do a little channel surfing. I needed to seek refuge from the storm and hightailed it to a Miami crime scene and a brutal “Cupcake War.” This proved to be very bad thinking.
On my travels up the dial I made an ill fated stop at the MTV Music Video Awards . Why? Why didn’t I just keep going? Why did I leave Irene? And Andersen regardless of what he was wearing?
It suddenly struck me; I had no idea who anyone was. Not one familiar face. Where’s Elton John when you need him? Lady Gaga who I usually recognize by her life threateningly tall high heels was dressed like a man. Did she do this to screw with me? “For God’s sake help me out and put on the giant shoes.”
Am I a loser? It was a night of reckoning. Did this happen in the blink of an eye? One day the audience is filled with the likes of The Grateful Dead, Neil Young, Bob Dylan, Eric Clapton et al and then poof they’re gone , replaced by a group of pink haired girls and boys covered in ink.
Where have I been? I should have known this day was coming as the people in “People” are total strangers to me now. They look so young any one of them could conceivably call me “Nana.” This is very stressful. I need George Clooney to be the hottest man alive again. “George, put on a Speedo!”
I have to face it and confess – I am not “hip” anymore. I have tried , lord knows I have tried to keep up. I wear short skirts, have long hair, and still love to “hang out” but it’s obviously not enough. Sadly, it’s possible I haven’t been hip since 1974 when I went to a party at Jerry Garcia’s ranch. My hip-o-meter has plunged to zero. ”
Lady Gaga please put on a dress and 9 inch heels again so I can recognize one person under 30.
And don’t ever call me Nana.