This is Mercury. Isn’t he cute? Looks like a bed bug with horns.

In 2011, Mercury the wise communicator—and universal trickster—turned retrograde at 19 01’ Virgo, in the sign of the Virgin, sending communications, travel, appointments, mail and the www into a general snarlup!  From Astrology on the Web.


Now you tell me.

I only wish I had this info before Mercury went into its own galactic version of PMS in 2011. But that would have made life too easy. Mercury kicked my ass last year and I am still trying to figure out how to retaliate.

If I had known that some far away planet was about to search and destroy my life as I knew it, I could have just relaxed and gone with the flow. It wasn’t my mess ups. Ladies and gentlemen, our “Let me mess you up big time” host for 3 weeks was that playful charlatan, Mercury. How does it sleep at night?

I don’t know when the moon is in the seventh house or when Jupiter aligns with Mars so why would I care about Mercury getting jiggy and retrograding? What did I know about astrology? I am a Gemini. My other selves don’t have a clue either. When asked in the past what my sign was I would say, “slippery when wet” until I was asked to spend some quality time in back seat of some moron’s car. Ah, I can hear my mother saying right about now, “She always made us so proud.”

It all started out rather innocently. I got out of bed, had a cup of decaf and turned on the computer. I was looking to design a new blog site. I had done it before. I went to add information and it wouldn’t take it. I politely put in the info and some gnarly hand threw it back at me – this won’t work at all. Please try later. Maybe in 2127. WTH.

So that was just the beginning. One of my blog sites suffered a fatal error. I don’t think I cried as much as I did when the Beatles broke up. I have no ability to fix this stuff. But I do have a darling nephew who did and I just want to say a big thank you to Word Press again for not hearing my pleas. Probably sitting around drinking with Mercury, were you?

Then the clothes dryer would only dry with no heat. It took me three attempts to dry the clothes before I realized that something was off. My clothes were not fiber dense. Last rites were given and a new one was purchased. I love keeping the economy going.

The coffeemaker and microwave are now buried in our backyard.

Then Microsoft Outlook wouldn’t work. No emails going out and none coming in. For 4 days. Do you know how many OTC stress pills I took? My seven figure book deal if you respond within 48 hours email could have been trapped in email limbo. Alas, it wasn’t. It probably was deleted by Mercury.

My cat peed on our love seat because mercury is in retrograde? I am sticking with that theory.

I was over the moon when Mercury blew out of town because I didn’t have to incur cat therapy bills. I am still in therapy myself because I still have health insurance. Going to mess with that, Mercury?

I hear that Mercury in retrograde will be back and when that happens, I will move to one of the most violent neighborhoods I can find. I think being shot and left in the trunk of an abandoned car will be a lot easier than living through this crap again.

Mercury turns retrograde March 12 at 6 Aries. Translation: Hide the children. And appliances. But not necessarily in that order.

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